Bunny’s TMI

I felt well enough yesterday to make my cuddle party yesterday, which was good. I’m not all better, but I’m much better than I was.

sucks

For the ideas and offer Jeff. *HUG*

I guess I should keep the Seattle area as an option even if the housing prices aren’t so good, since I have all of you up there.

Cause if this isn’t what hell fells like… well, my imagination isn’t capable of worse.

Even Alaska is starting to sound good now… I should ask my cousin what it’s like up there.

Now that I’ve made the decision to move I can’t wait. I always tell myself to take my time with things, but once I decide on something I want to put it into action, no matter how long the decision itself took.

So it’s time to talk to Mom again and see if we can work things out if my place is rented out so that I can find a job and rental elsewhere until I can find a place to buy.

If summer would just end and cool off already I doubt I’d be this anxious. But the heat makes me just want to curl up and sleep and just do nothing… which is exactly how depression makes me feel. It’s like having an outfit that you only wear when you’re feeling sick… after a while putting it on will make you feel sick even if you weren’t before. I used to have one of those when I was younger until I realized the connection and got rid of it. So all the stuff going on with my body now is trying to affect my mental state, and it’s a struggle to keep it from doing so. I don’t want to live my life struggling like this. There are enough things that stress me out and affect me badly that living in this environment is just utterly self defeating.

And making the first decision to move away has freed me up. I really think I will look at Alaska as an option. If I’m going to have to fly home to visit, pretty much anywhere in the North West will work, though I’d prefer a coastal state. The only two things I’m really set on are a home with a really good sized chunk of land, like 1-10 acres or so, although you can’t have too much forested land. And a job that can support me comfortably that I enjoy.

I know that’s asking a lot, but it’s what I need to not be struggling like this. That or to win the lottery.

I’ve known for a while that cuddling (as well as dancing and singing) are really important to me in a relationship, but going to Cuddle Parties has helped me understand why. When I’m doing that stuff I feel free (to be completely myself) and relaxed and radiant. If I could find a way to spend the rest of my life only doing those things I would because I feel so energetic and glowingly happy when I’m doing them.

Is off. Oh well, I’ll live, and maybe get a chance to work on developing my patience. It’s a lot like learning not to worry. I just have to get whatever it is out of my head and focus on stuff.

I found out that my step-brother and his family lives in Portland! He’s even offered to let me stay at his place if I come up for a visit to check out the area which I think I’d like to do next month when it’s supposed to be hottest. But 85 degrees sure sounds better than 104!

And I was worried about one of my friends being unhappy about me wanting to move but they were really supportive instead which was a very pleasant surprise.

I’m going to go out dancing tonight and get some exercise and enjoy the music at the Press Club, I just hope it’s still 80′s music.

One of my friends recommended me for a contract job and I got it, yay! I’m excited to have something different to work on. And it feels great to say it’ll be “this” much and not have them even blink! I probably undervalue my work, but I’m ok with that till I get to be doing this on a regular basis.

I’ve always vaguely thought I’d like to move to Seattle or somewhere in Washington. And living in Davis and Sacramento has made me start to seriously consider it. But I really struggled with the idea because my family and friends are very important to me and most of them are nearby right now. But I’ve finally accepted that the heat affects me too strongly to tolerate living here the rest of my life. I thought about the Bay Area as an option, but between the crowding which results in not enough job or housing options and horrific traffic it really isn’t feasible. Unless of course I win the lottery, but I’m not holding my breath on that one.

So I finally have decided to start seriously looking into housing and jobs in Portland or Seattle. I figure it will be at least a year before I can find both of those, so I need to start now.

I’m on the hunt. The prey is aware. I’m try to exercise my weak patience muscles. Mrow!