Archive for August, 2005

Thousands

Wednesday, August 31st, 2005

Before I get to the main point of this post a brief catch-up update.
Missed my vet appointment Friday due to a 7 hour nap. But I did wake up briefly and manage to reschedule for Saturday. So kitties are all up to date on shots and Cookie is down to 10 pounds! Mocha is up to 12.1 lbs which probably explains Cookie’s weight loss since I’m still feeding them all the same amount of food. They’re finally over the hunger strike they went on after getting wet food for a couple days.

Sunday I spent all day helping MM move, which was actually fun once we got past the worst parts. I only got a tiny sunburn on my shoulders too, which is lucky considering I didn’t put sunscreen on them at all. I’ll probably end up with some new freckles on my shoulders from that. I’m still a bit sore from all that exercise. Especially my calves from all that up and down on the stairs. A funny moment, after the first trip to his new place we were headed back to get more stuff. Everyone quickly takes off except for me and his sister. So I wait for her to pull out and follow hoping she remembers the way back since I sure didn’t. She pulls over and waves me past because she didn’t remember the way either! I ended up calling for directions and leading the way back. I was happy to see I’m not the only one with a poor sense of direction. :)

Monday I actually remembered to take the trash out (including an old bottle of milk that I kept forgetting to toss… I was leaving it in the fridge so that it didn’t go crazy bad out in the garage). I ended up going to bed early, but I realized that the tiredness I’d been suffering from in the mornings might be my meds so I took them at night to see if that would help. So what I learned is that 50mg has no side effects for me… and 100mg makes me super duper tired after about 2 hours and lasting for around 4 hours.

Tuesday was fun cause papa brought over pizza and I got Henry Weinhards rootbeer for us and I made him watch the Incredibles since I knew he’d like it. Then I did dishes while he fixed the deadbolt on my inner door… then we discovered that the top outer lock had stopped working too. So I’m due for a trip to the hardware store for a new set of locks for the screen door.

And now to the important stuff! Conversation about an old cartoon had me thinking of the theme song which I could only somewhat recall the chorus of. Which had me thinking about a friend’s comment about how many songs I knew the words to when we went out for karaoke (I was singing along with pretty much every song people did). With most songs (outside of Christmas carols and Amazing Grace) I’m lucky to remember one line from the chorus. But play the music and I can sing along with the entire song. For the first time I’m wondering how unique this ability is. Just off the top of my head based my iTunes playlists I’m guessing I can sing along with upwards of a thousand songs. And it might be closer to two or three thousand considering I don’t have anywhere near all the songs I’d like. I guess this sorta goes with me learning songs after one or two listens to make up for the fact that I can’t read music. So is this “normal” or a special talent I should be appreciating more about myself?

(Posted the last paragraph to my WoW guild forum and have discovered that this isn’t that uncommon. Yay for learning new stuff!)

Conflict & Resolution

Sunday, August 28th, 2005

I’m feeling a lot better now. Looking at my little timer thing and realizing it was the peak of my pms hormone junk (which has always edged me toward depression stuff, or at least not taking things as well in stride) helped. Also, faith that my friends wouldn’t hurt me on purpose allowed me to actually express my hurt instead of just pulling away as I would have done once upon a time. It is amazing how much “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” can help. And sad how few people are willing to bend their pride enough to say so. It’s not even an admission of guilt or wrong-doing, only that their actions had unforseen and unwanted results. I’m glad that I’ve managed to fill my life finally with people who value friendship and caring over a bit of pride. I think this more than anything proves to me that I really am getting better at this friendship thing. The happy fun times are easy to have, but being able to be human and make mistakes and weather that, that’s the hard part, and the part that shows the strength and endurance these relationships have.

Oh, and Tora, “–Reina, “If I Close My Eyes”” made it clear you didn’t write it. But you still get credit for managing to say the right thing at the right time. *hug*

Well, I had fun playing board games yesterday, but now it’s time to get to work and help a friend move, so no more dilly-dallying around!

Teary eyed

Friday, August 26th, 2005

*hugs Tora*
Thanks for the poem, you had really perfect timing with that. I love you and miss you and I hope I get to see you soon!

So one of the purposes of my blog is to let me vent. So I’m going to.
I know these feelings are real since my antidepressants are working.

I already have somewhat pulled away from some friends due to a lack of reciprocation when it comes to setting up times to get together and hang out. I’m not happy about it, but I know that I need to save my energy for reciprocal relationships. But in the last couple days it’s suddenly gotten worse. It’s happened twice and by people that I’m very close to and didn’t expect it from. I’m sorry, but it just isn’t cool to invite someone to something… and then uninvite them without even telling them! I don’t know what the “reasoning” was, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to think of a good one. I’m upset, my feelings are hurt and I’m not sure what I plan to do about it. I know I do want an apology. But I honestly don’t know if that will make me feel any better. Sadly this makes the idea of moving even easier. I’d been thinking to put it off some now that I’m feeling better, but I guess this is life telling me that I made the right choice and I need to keep moving in that direction.

I think I’m going to devote more time to working out and watching movies for a bit to get my health and energy level back up. And it’s time to start planning trips to the places I’m considering moving. I know the Seattle area is pretty so I basically need to check out Oregon and Colorado. And I might get to go to a conference for work in Colorado in November, which would work out nicely for that.

I really do love having this blog to vent to. I hate unloading on friends because I know it doesn’t make for the warm fuzzies. But keeping things bottled up isn’t good either. So blogging seems to be the perfect compromise.

Funny from a friend

Friday, August 26th, 2005

From a friend’s blog:

http://illwillpress.com/ (most recent video: Drugs In Your Head)

My reply?

LOL!

I’m sorry, even being on antidepressants I still think that was hilarious! Although I freely admit that if I could afford to only work 20-30 hours a week and had no commute I could do the stuff neccessary to not need the dang drugs.

Yes, much hate for the drug usage. :)

Grin & Yawn

Thursday, August 25th, 2005

Well I’m still feeling plenty happy and motivated. But my energy level still isn’t back to what I’d like. So I’m taking a few steps to fix that. #1 is start taking my vitamins again. #2 is no more reading even a “chapter” on weeknight since I never know when the book will get so good I can’t put it down. #3 is exercising regularly.

So I’m hoping to get my energy back up to a good level in another few weeks sticking to that plan.

Next step after that? Game days again! :D

Eeeee!!!! :D

Wednesday, August 24th, 2005

Bribes of food = vacuumed house! Yay!

Plus, happy drugs = happy!

Cuddle Party conversations and naps and backrubs = yay!

Hershey Almond Kiss with no almond = phooey!

Leftovers for dinner = no cooking yay!

Finally feeling energetic and giddy again = Eeeeeeeeee!!!!!! :D

Papa got a house!

Tuesday, August 16th, 2005

And it’s not in Weed, it’s in Lake Shastina. Looks nice from the pictures! Looking forward to getting to see it.

Blinking in confusion…

Monday, August 15th, 2005

And laughing. Anyone skim the comment to my last post? Spam has entered the blogosphere!

Anyway, PH was wonderful and helped me clean the garage and showed me how to get my sprinklers working again on Saturday. And by help I mean did all the work and just had me decide what could be gotten rid of. I’m really lucky to have awesome friends like this.

I vegged out yesterday, but last night I finally felt well enough to recommit to taking care of myself and my physical needs. I’m going to spend today cleaning the house, sign up for another cuddle party, and then get some exercise in on the gazelle that I got from the princess and her prince. And watch a movie while I do so.

It feels good to have motivation again. I was really afraid that it might not come back.

And I was probably in too big of a rush to start trying to look into moving, although making the decision did help by giving me a purpose and sense of control. But now I think I can relax and explore my options with less urgency. Take some trips to see the places I’m considering to find the one that feels right for me and see more of this country while I’m at it.

And I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably be on antidepressants the rest of my life. I proved to myself that I could be ok without them, but now I’ve also seen how hard it can be to maintain that during stressful times. Maybe when I retire someday I’ll experiment again with managing my brain chemistry without drugs, but for now it’s not worth the risk of falling into the sinkhole of depression.

Life is finally good again. I love me, my kitties, my friends and my family. And I’m going to be ok.

Honesty IS the best policy

Thursday, August 11th, 2005
honesty-is-the-best-policy

From a column I check daily:

naked relationships 2005-08-12 column

When your purpose is good, honesty serves it

It’s easy to tell the truth when it serves us. It can be tough when it doesn’t – or we think it doesn’t.

Truth always serves us. And telling it always serves our self-esteem. How we feel about ourselves is based on how well we live our values.

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- In a good relationship, partners use honesty to connect. They tell the truth, but they never use honesty as an excuse to be judgmental, says Sandra Anne Taylor, author of – Secrets of Attraction.

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I often hear from readers who give honesty a try, despite their fears that what they have to share might scare somebody away. Inevitably, the honesty builds intimacy, because intimacy is a psychological knowledge of each other.

Even if the truth does scare somebody away from the prospect of a romantic relationship, there’s more closeness and respect. There is foundation for a real relationship of another kind.

Other readers are afraid of hurting somebody’s feelings with the truth. They want to be kind and they want to be well thought of. But there is no being kind with a lie. You don’t spare a partner who has bad breath by telling him that he doesn’t.

Under what circumstances does lying to a sweetheart really serve her? There are none. And if her sweetheart is lying to her, it’s probably because he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of sharing the truth.

When you lie to somebody, you express a lack of trust in either the person you’re lying to or yourself. You can both handle the truth. And you can trust the truth to serve both of you.

You can’t have a genuinely fulfilling life or relationship without the truth. The more private or deep the truth is, the richer the life and the intimacy.

Yet people sometimes lie in hopes of getting the closeness or the relationship they want, but neither can be had based on lies. Nor can a good relationship be had based on doling out honesty to hurt somebody or serve your ego.

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We can’t really be honest with other people until we are honest with ourselves. When we realize that the truth serves us, it’s easy to see how it also serves others.

When we’re ready to be honest with ourselves – and live a genuinely happy life – being honest with others will always serve our purpose.

Plans

Thursday, August 11th, 2005

Haircut tomorrow and house cleaning with PH Saturday and/or Sunday to get myself back on track.

Kitties are adoring the wet food they got yesterday and today as I still haven’t bought more dry food. Stinky though… ugh!