I suppose if I happened to meet someone who bothered to become a close friend and then persued me, I might be open to that. But I’m done looking and giving and reaching out to try to find someone. I just don’t trust myself anymore. I suppose that’s a bit sad. But I have good friends, and I have my kitty babies, and I’m happy with that as long as I’m not being overwhelmed with hurt and disappointment. So if I stop looking and hoping for a good relationship I should be able to just enjoy my life more.
Maybe the highs won’t be as high, but I’m ready to make that trade-off now to avoid the lows. I was loving feeling so great with the medication, and I’m not liking this backslide into unhappiness.
I’m sick of chosing guys who don’t appreciate me, or don’t want/care for me the way I do them. Maybe the way I want to be treated is unrealistic, but I’d rather be single than settle or let myself be pressured.
I like who I am. I enjoy my interests and the many aspects of who I am. It doesn’t really surprise me that being so unique makes it harder to find someone. Again it comes down to preferring to be single rather than neglect or deny some parts of myself.
I think I just need to keep busy and get my mind off things till I can get comfortable again. It’s about time I cleaned up the den anyway, and that’s where all my craft stuff is.
Ok, I’m bored at work, hence all the comments today. Yeah, I gave up too, and that’s when Alex magically appeared in my life. If you count magically as spotting him at Picnic Day with Matt and then scrounging up the courage to ask him to dinner at Kathmandu, knowing full well that none of his other friends like spicy food. Hahhah. Hey, it worked, didn’t it? Anyway, try not to lose too much faith in the male species, there are some with redeeming features, just be sure to look for someone a few years older than you to ensure that they have the same maturity level (guys mature a lot slower).
As for the whole thing about wanting to get married and have kids in 5 years, I gotta agree. Whenever I decide to get married, I want time to travel, set up my dream house (or the next house up on the way to getting the dream house with the hundreds of thousands of dollars of options I want), and take some time off to have kids and get my master’s in finance. Lofty goals, but at least travel is possible soon!
…
Let’s make cookies!
There’s my brave little toaster.
*HUG*
=) I wouldn’t say be “resigned,” since resignation implies surrender of some sort. Rather, you should think of it as turning focus into deliberate formlessness of desire… sort of like becoming infinitely open to all possibilities and not allowing your worry and need to shape your emotional expectations and life-cycle goals. The closest simple approximation I can think of is, “Find your Zen calm. Things will be as the will be. If they even exist at all.” =)
Just take care of you and be the best goddess you can be.