I have a bunch of stuff to catch up on, but I’m not quite ready for that yet. I’ve been struggling with depression lately it seems more than I ever have before. I’ve finally decided on a plan of action and am focusing on it. I feel a little bit better already, though sad for what I’m having to give up. I’m hoping the move works out. Today I’m cleaning for my dad & his wife to visit for three days, which I hope is a good start for getting my house in order to be sold.
Archive for March, 2006
A bit behind
Friday, March 31st, 2006I HATE commuting.
Friday, March 31st, 2006Which is why I’m moving. From Princess SP’s blog from some Wallstreet thingy:
“As Frank notes, commuting through congestion is miserable for most of us, whether we’ve been doing it for four months or 40 years, and an assortment of studies shows that commutes (even as short as 15 minutes a day) can have serious and measurable effects on health.”
Peace
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006From my inkblot test:
Jenny, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace
You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.
You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
You are the Girl Next Door
Cute, fun, and sweet, you’re Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, and Meg Ryan all rolled up into one -� the perfect Girl Next Door. Naturally pretty, unpretentious, and generous, you demand your share of respect, but you aren’t particularly high-maintenance. What’s your ideal date? Probably a Blockbuster night -� you don’t mind skipping an evening on the town if it means getting some old-fashioned snuggling on the sofa. Careful yet spontaneous, you’re a little bit of the Guy’s Girl, a smidge of Sorority Sister (the nice kind), and just a hint of the Hippie Chick. But you’ve got an appeal that’s all your own, which is why the guys can’t stay away. People are attracted to your strong values and traditional ways. Your winning smile, bright eyes, and loving nature will make anyone want to hold on tight and never let go.
Unmotivated
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006Well, I finally got over my rebound crush a week or two ago… and I’ve been really bleh and unmotivated ever since. I guess even just having someone to have a crush on makes a big difference, so now that I’ve managed to ween myself…. I guess it’s time to talk to the doc again and up my meds to find a dose that works when I’m alone. Since that’s how I plan to be for who knows how long. I’ve always believed that a relationship should be based on friendship, and that the person you love should be your best friend (you’re going to be spending more time with them in your life than with your parents, children or anyone else!) but I’d never really stuck to that in practice. Often boyfriends became good friends, but not the other way around. Now that I know what it can be like though, I couldn’t settle for less. The only problem is that I’m happy with the friends I have and have no time/energy to try to make more. Which means that I have no dating prospects at all.
I told myself I could work and just adopt when I retire, but I’m realizing that although being a mom was a huge part of my life’s goal, I’m kidding myself to think that being a wife wasn’t also a major part of it. It’s hard to let go of half of the one major dream I had for myself. Yeah I wanted to travel the world and build my own home and stuff like that, but those were dreams I didn’t really expect to come true so I don’t miss not having achieved them yet. And a major part of those was wanting to build the dream home for me and my husband to raise our kids in, wanting someone to travel and see the world with. And yes I have a degree and my own home, but that was part of the plan to prove to myself I could be self sufficeint before depending on someone else to support me. Even my dream job of doing web design working for myself depended on having a steady second income.
I need to find some new goals and give myself something to live for to get me through the next 25 years or so till I can retire. I guess first though I need to get my meds working so I can be motivated enough to get to work on time and do chores around the house and stuff before I worry about that.