So I went to see my therapist again today. I’ve been feeling great so we just went over my eating and then went back to going over my past. I still think there might be stuff I’m not aware of though I am aware of a lot of it. Like the avoidance thing I hadn’t really noticed till she pointed it out. And today we went over my lack of real friends when I was younger and she pointed out that I didn’t have a safe place/support group (that’s what books were for me – avoidance, friends and a safe place – I hated when books ended and cried when characters died). She said I should try journaling instead of blogging, but really, I may have not had a great childhood, but it’s nothing I’m ashamed of. We also touched on my tendency to horde things and my need for control and security due to my lack of it growing up. That’s why I feel such a strong need to own a home and have equity in and control over where I live. I also realized I still find my finances being tight embarrassing. And as someone pointed out to me in high school, embarrassment is merely caring too much about what others think. I currently own two homes, and I did what I had to in order to take care of myself, I shouldn’t feel ashamed that finances are tight until my old house sells.
