http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/
These are all from prior to January 20, 2002.
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A LONG AND PEACEFUL LIFE
(1) Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
(2) Thou shalt not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
(3) Thou shalt face each problem as it comes. You can handle only one at a time.
(4) Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
(5) Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.
(6) Thou shalt not borrow other people’s problems. They can take better care of them than you can.
(7) Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It’s very hard to learn something new when you’re talking.
(8) Thou shalt not try to re-live yesterday for good or ill — it is gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.
(9) Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration, for 50 percent of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive actions.
(10) Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones — for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.
DEAR GERARD: It certainly is, as I’m sure my pet-loving readers will agree. With apologies to Rudyard Kipling, please read on:
“If you can start the day without caffeine,
“If you can get along without pep pills,
“If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
“If you can resist complaining to and boring people with your troubles,
“If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
“If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
“If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong,
“If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
“If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him or her,
“If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor one,
“If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
“If you can conquer tension without medical help,
“If you can relax without liquor,
“If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
“If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, sex, color, religion, national origin, gender preference or politics,
“THEN you have ALMOST reached the same level of development as your dog or cat.”
FINCH SCHOOL MAXIMS
(1) Believing in people usually brings out the best in them.
(2) There is always another side; suspend judgment.
(3) There is always a solution to every problem. Do not waste time on self-pity.
(4) Be considerate. Your actions affect others, and other people’s feelings are just like your own.
(5) Be kind. Remember that other people are as intuitive as you are, and judge you just as you do them.
(6) Be sincere. In the long run everyone will find you out and judge you by your true self and not by your pretensions.
(7) Snobbishness of any kind is a sign of limitation.
(8) Remember that recreation must be to re-create for work.
(9) Remember that you must be worthy and capable of love to be able to give or to keep it.
(10) Remember that you have a soul just as you have a body and a social self. Do not starve it.
MEMORY BOOK KEEPS DECEASED PARENT ALIVE FOR YEARS AHEAD
DEAR ABBY: I would like to utilize your column to reach adult relatives of the children who lost a parent in the terrorist attack of Sept. 11.
I lost my father when I was 9. He was killed in a fire as he repaired his semi. He was a young 32 years old, with five children. My mother was 27.
What my mother did 30 years ago was to keep the memory of my dad alive for us by saving his cologne, so we could remember his smell; his favorite jacket and winter coat, so we could wear them to keep us warm; his favorite albums and 8-track tapes, so we could hear his favorite songs that he loved to sing to us. I was also given a diary and photo album to put down my memories and mount my favorite photos. However, I was foolish. I didn’t write down my memories because I thought I would always remember them. Those memories have faded, and now I search for those precious moments.
The surviving parent should have the children keep those precious memories fresh by writing a journal, or filling a scrapbook with things like a wrapper from the deceased parent’s favorite candy bar, his or her favorite color, favorite food, way of comforting the children, where he or she liked to take them — vacations as well as the park — and articles from the local paper. When a friend or relative sends a condolence card, that person should include a memory of the child’s parent, and any photos that could be included in the memory album. If there is more than one child, make separate albums for each, and ask them to draw or write those memories before they fade (all too quickly).
I did this for my siblings when I was 36 years old, so we each have a way to share with our families what their grandfather was like, and how their mother or father resembled him.
Thank you for helping me to help the children. — KIM DUETSCH, DAUGHTER OF GEORGE H. DUETSCH
DEAR KIM: Your letter is filled with excellent suggestions. However, it’s possible that the surviving parents of the Sept. 11 tragedy may be too overwhelmed with their own grief and loss to be as organized and involved as your mother was. If that’s the case, assembling a memory book such as you describe would be a priceless gift of love from a close friend or relative — and a timely one, with Christmas approaching.
THOUGHTFUL GIFTS FOR SENIORS ARE THOSE THAT LAST ALL YEAR
DEAR ABBY: It’s the time of year to consider what to buy people for Christmas gifts. As a senior who is also handicapped, I would like you to know about one of the nicest gifts I ever received.
Last year, my neighbors presented me with a calendar. They told me to circle one day each month when they could take me out to dinner. I selected the 15th. They pick me up and take me to a nice restaurant I could never afford. I greatly enjoy their company.
Each time I get into their car — even in July — I wish them a Merry Christmas. — SENIOR IN RICHMOND HEIGHTS, OHIO
DEAR SENIOR: What a terrific idea. It seems no sooner are the dishes put away from Thanksgiving dinner than it’s time to start Christmas and Hanukkah shopping. And that means it’s time to publish my list of gift ideas for senior citizens.
Readers, if you plan on sending holiday gifts, first let me tell you what NOT to send. Forget the cologne, aftershave and dusting powders unless you have first checked to see if they are welcome. Scents are highly distinctive (no pun intended), and not every perfume works on every person.
Never give a pet to anyone unless you are absolutely certain the person wants one and is able to properly care for it.
Do not give wine or liquor to people unless you’re sure they imbibe.
Candy, nuts, confections and fruitcakes make beautiful gifts for folks who aren’t counting calories, but have compassion for those who are, and don’t lead them into temptation.
With the price of groceries going through the roof, many people on fixed incomes would appreciate a gift basket of goodies. How about small cans of tuna and chicken? Also include crackers, assorted flavored instant coffees, herbal teas, soup mixes and cookies.
Gift certificates are always welcome: for groceries, haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets, videos and department stores. And don’t forget prepaid long-distance calling cards.
Not all seniors drive, so bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis are always welcome.
Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photos make useful gifts, as do large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient’s records.
Payment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility — then let the recipients know they have “extra” money to spend as they wish.
A cordless phone or answering machine is a handy gift.
Membership in a gym if the person wants to exercise.
A magnifying glass.
A cuddly robe and slippers with non-skid soles.
Sweatpants, sweatshirts and jogging shoes.
For someone who has a pet, send it a treat — a can of dog or cat food, or a rawhide chewstick or catnip toy.
A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a thoughful gift.
Because medications are expensive, a gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would be much appreciated. (Trust me.)
Stationery and stamps come in handy year-round. If you send them, be sure to include felt-tipped pens, too.
Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. Holidays can be depressing for people who are alone. So, if you know someone who could use an outing, give him or her the best gift of all — an invitation to have a meal with you and your family.
If you ain’t givin’, you ain’t livin’!
