Mine is “Gotta Be” by Des’Ree.
Whether you’re feeling insecure, unmotivated, or just a bit blue, the fastest route to energy and confidence is through your very own theme song.
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There are those do-or-die moments in life, when you’ve got a great opportunity and you don’t want to blow it, when you whisper to yourself, OK, don’t let this be the time I mess up. We all have them, right?
I had one of those moments about three years ago, and I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was walking down Third Avenue in New York City to meet the editor in chief of a publishing company to pitch my new book, Between Trapezes. It was only a 15-minute walk, but I was getting more uptight with every block. This was a good publisher, and I really wanted them to buy my book. I mean, I knew I liked them, but would this editor like me? Maybe she would think the book was too personal. Maybe she would find my humor too much or my style too flamboyant. Editors are picky people. How could I persuade this one to pick me? I was driving myself crazy.
Then I remembered the story of one of Fred Astaire’s first Hollywood auditions. Years later they found the studio’s notes: “Can’t sing.… Can dance a little.” Well, that didn’t stop him, did it? He just kept dancing, kept singing, and, eventually, kept knocking ’em dead. I could hear him singing, “Things are looking up! It’s a great little world we live in!” I wondered where you get that kind of conviction, that you’re exactly the right person to take the room, get the part, knock ’em dead? I bet it’s from the music, I thought. Music has always given us courage and spurred us to go the distance. Has any country or band of brothers or sisters ever gone into battle without a song? The bagpipes, the fife and drums, the raised voices, always went first. We all need a song.
Well, I sure needed something that afternoon. It’s not that I was devoid of confidence, but my energy level had taken a nosedive. I just did not have the old knock-’em-dead spirit. And by this point I had only five minutes to find it. OK, Gail, I thought, why don’t you try singing something? I had just passed an attractive young man on the street who said, as he walked by, “Love your suit!” And maybe that’s what did it, but the perfect song popped into my head. It was from Funny Girl, and I had heard Barbra Streisand sing it a million years before. I started singing it under my breath: “I’m the greatest star. I am by far, but no one knows it.” And then I got to those killer words that set me right up, that got my adrenaline flowing, that reminded me I was the right person at the right place at the right time to knock ’em dead. My voice got stronger and people glanced at me curiously, but I didn’t care. “Looking down you’ll never see me. Try the sky, ’cause that’ll be me!”
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That did it, all right. I was no longer walking; I was strutting, I was smiling, I was bursting with energy. I was unstoppable. About 20 minutes into our meeting, that editor said, “You know what, Gail? We really want to buy your book. We love your energy!” Now I sing my song every time I walk into a challenging, ego-on-the-line situation. And it always works. Oh, I don’t mean I always make the sale. But I always bring my best self into the room — whether it’s an interview, a presentation, or a cocktail party filled with people I don’t know.
Actually, I’m so committed to the idea of “finding your song” that I urge everyone I know to find theirs.
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One of my favorite clients, a marketing executive who faces enormous challenges in her new position, sings “I Will Survive,” by Gloria Gaynor, every morning on the way to work. (Funny, a lot of women I know have chosen that song.) Another wonderful young woman, who had been out of work for a long time, sang Elton John’s “The Bitch Is Back” — at the top of her lungs — on the way to the interview that nailed the job of her dreams. She told me afterward, “They had to hire me. They had no choice. I was so hot, I was irresistible.” I’m working with a woman in her 50s whose husband recently left her for someone else. As part of a self-reinvention program, she has chosen as her song “Too Many Fish in the Sea,” by the Marvelettes (“short ones, tall ones, fine ones, kind ones”). Her husband’s departure is turning out to be the best thing that ever happened to her.
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Finding your song is not hard.
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Maybe this little story will help: Not long ago, I coached a 40-year-old man who worked for an asset-management company. His CEO had told him to beef up his communication skills. Well, this became one of the easiest assignments I had ever had. Early in our conversations, Roger and I started to talk about sports. It turned out that Roger had been a star on his high school soccer team. We talked about his toughest game, one that he had helped pull out of the fire to win the league championship. “What did you think about when you drove to the game?” I asked. “What did you think when you walked onto the field? Did you have a song you loved?”
“I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” he said. “I did have a song. I played it on the way to every game and sang it in my head on the field. You’re going to laugh, but it was ‘My Sharona,’ by the Knack. I loved it. It never failed to get my juices flowing.”
“That’s the answer,” I said. “‘My Sharona.’ The work you do is just another kind of game — don’t you see? You need to have the same spirit and energy when you meet with a client as you had when you took the field.”
“Wait,” he said. “You mean I should sing ‘My Sharona’? You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope,” I replied. “You should belt it out at the top of your lungs on the way to the meeting and hear it in your head when you walk in. Try it.”
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I know it sounds crazy, but singing that silly song made all the difference. Roger came out of himself; he became a motivator. He energized his clients, and they loved it. Now he’s the guy the CEO goes to when she wants to clinch a deal. And he did it all by recapturing a moment in his life when he felt unstoppable and by replaying the song that made him feel that way. Looking back for those moments is probably the easiest way to find your song. (And, by the way, it should be just one song. Of course, you might love a bunch of them, but it’s important to choose just one to pull out and sing when your ego is on the line. I love Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” a lot. But that’s not the song that lets me own the room. Only “I’m the Greatest Star” does that.)
What would it take for you to know you’re exactly the right person, at the right place, at the right time to get what you want? What song would you hear and sing when you’ve decided to be energized, unforgettable, and irresistible — and you have only 15 minutes to figure out how? Here’s what it takes: You have to find your song and sing it. Sing it for all you’re worth. Why not? This is exactly the right time for you to step into the limelight. The world has been waiting for you to knock ’em dead. So, what’s your song?
Voice Lessons
1. Find your song.
Think back to a moment in your life when you felt like a million bucks. Maybe you were on the bus in high school, returning from a great softball game; or at a dance when that extremely cute guy pulled you out onto the dance floor. What were they playing? What were you singing? That’s your song.2. Sing it.
Out loud if you can, or just to yourself in an elevator or on a busy street. Sing it on the way to the interview, the big presentation, or the first date, or going to school to pick up the kids after a bad day.3. Share it.
Ask someone you love what his or her song is, and tell that person yours. (And if you’re stuck finding yours, you can always steal one. Nobody will mind!)4. Use it.
Remember — no matter how worried you are, no matter how far behind you’re running, your song will get you there. In a pinch, you can always sing Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive,” right? That will do it.[private]
What’s your theme song? Share your song here — and read what others have said.
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Written by Gail Blanke
January 2007
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