I had a great time with dad on Thursday. We went and got pizza and then finished watching An Inconvenient Truth (which I never would have chosen to watch – but it was actually really good!) and then watched the two Oprah episodes he gave me on “The Secret” (book & dvd – he gave me a copy of the dvd too) and talked about that and some stuff we read and everything, pretty awesome. A lot of it is stuff I sorta already knew, but haven’t really made a habit of yet in my life, like I used to be such a pessimist until I decided to change the way I think, and it was really hard and took a long time, but now it’s natural. I’m still in the really hard phase of changing how I think and live again. Gave me a lot to think about too. Plus papa let me copy all his music which I really like, lots of instrumental soothing peaceful stuff. And he bought me the book he’s reading called “Radical Forgiveness” and the book my therapist wanted me to get (so we could get free shipping). So I’m looking forward to reading those. They’ve been shipped and are supposed to arrive next week sometime.
Some of what I have to think about is what I have and am grateful for, and what I still want and how think and take action toward that. Even simple things like changing from thinking “I want to get out of debt.” to “I deserve to be financially comfortable.” and taking action toward that. One of the things the Oprah show mentioned was that often people who are in debt feel they are “owed” something. And I’m thinking that’s true for me. On the one hand, with growing up poor and not getting to have and do the things I wanted, I decided I didn’t want to have that when I grew up. So now I pay for activities and things that I want and feel I deserve…. and forget that I also deserve to be debt free and live unencumbered by property. So I need to learn to say to myself “I can buy that, and I do deserve to if I really want to, but I want to be debt free more.” If I try to say “I can’t afford to buy that.” then I rebel against it because it’s not true and feels like I’m saying “I don’t deserve to buy that.” Stuff like that. I just need to figure out where I am right now in all the aspects of my life – physical, financial, mental health, and my relationship with myself and others, and then decide what I’m happy with, what I’d like to change, and how to do that.
One of the great lines from the Oprah show was about how you have to be the best example of how to treat yourself. So I guess you could think of it as not expecting others to do for you what you won’t do for yourself. So if there is something you’d love to have someone else do for you…. that’s also something you should be willing to do for yourself first to set the example. Cause you know you’re worth it!
I found out I can’t eat more than 2-3 slices of pizza anymore without taking my stomach meds first. Usually I get thick or regular crust so that’s all I have room for anyway, but dad likes thin crust so I ended up eating more and it really upset my stomach. Tasted soooooooooo good, but the suffering after will keep me away from pizza for a good long while.
Oh, and Friday MM took me out for a late late lunch since he was in town for his haircut. We had yummy Pluto’s. We sat outside to eat since the weather has been awesome lately.
