Bunny’s TMI

I finally have some time to clear out my mailbox and get somewhat up to date here. I think some of this I may have made time to blog about, but not all of it.

(more…)

I’ve had enough people ask for this (and seen enough similar things on the web) that I figured I’d put this up for posterity.

A few years ago when I worked at the Edward Kemble Elementary School Library they had a special book sale for the staff. Among other books, I purchased Christmas Cookies - Classic Recipes.

I love oatmeal peanut butter cookies, but didn’t have a recipe for them in any of my cookie recipe books. This one did however have a recipe for Oatmeal Scotchies that looked good.

I switched half the butter for peanut butter, one cup of oats for nuts, and added a cup of chocolate chips (I hate cookies that are just a lot of dough and a little stuff. And yet I love sugar cookies, butter cookies, spritz cookies, etc. I guess I just want there to either be a LOT of “stuff” or none.

After some friends watched me bake these once, and asked what they were called. I didn’t have a name, and they weren’t really oatmeal scotchies anymore, so they came up with “Everything Cookies” since I seemed to put everything (but fruit! I don’t like fruit in cookies) in them. Seeing them in dough form they were amazed that the cookies stayed together which how much stuff was in them.

These are pretty flexible, I use whatever nuts I have on hand, and whatever chocolately bits. I’ve even chopped up Hershey Kisses when we didn’t have chocolate chips.

Jenny’s Everything Cookies
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter (I usually soften it in the microwave)
1/2 cup peanut butter (I usually use chunky for extra nuttiness)
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs (I almost always use liquid eggs when baking, easier and healthier)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (sometimes I swap half or all the vanilla for almond extract)
1 cup chopped/sliced/slivered nuts (I prefer almond)
1 to 2 cup chips (I usually mix milk & dark/semi-sweet & butterscotch chips)
2 cups quick or old-fashioned oats
Raw sugar to roll them in (optional)

1. Combine flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a small bowl. I’m lazy and always skip this - one less messy dish to clean!
2. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar, eggs and vanilla in a larger mixer bowl. I love my KitchenAid!
3. Gradually beat in flour mixture. I just toss in everything but the flour, then add the flour 1/4 cup at a time.
4. Stir in oats, then nuts and chips.
5. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets. I usually just eyeball it and roll them into balls, but even if I use a tablespoon I always roll them into balls to help them stick together.
6. This year I had raw sugar left over from rolling other cookies, so I rolled these ones into it and it gave them a nice crunch on the outside.
7. It’s ok to flatten the cookies also if you like how that looks better.
8. Bake in preheated oven for 375°F. oven for 7 to 8 minutes for chewy cookies; 9 to 10 minutes for crisp cookies.

It’s supposed to make about 4 dozen cookies.

So far everyone has agreed with me that the chewy taste best, but even if I overcook them and get harder ones, they still all get eaten. Be sure to preheat or you won’t be sure about the timing! Chewy ones won’t look done with they come out of the oven, but just let them cool on the cookie sheet for 2 to 10 minutes, once them come off easily with a spatula without smooshing then they’re ready. Though I’m happy to eat them hot and smooshy/crumbly. The perks and hazards of being the cook!

The recipe also had an option for pan cookies, and after looking at how much sugar (including high fructose corn syrup) was in the Nature Valley granola bars I loved, I decided to see if I could doctor this into a granola bar recipe.

Round 1 Everything Granola Bars
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup almond butter
1/2 cup peanut butter
3/4 cup honey
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs (I almost always use liquid eggs when baking, easier and healthier)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (sometimes I swap half or all the vanilla for almond extract)
3 cups oats
3 teaspoons ground flax seed
1/2 cup chopped almonds
1/2 cup whole almonds
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup butterscotch chips

Most of the fruit/nut/chip amounts were based on what I happened to have left in the cupboards.

Mix the same way as the cookies.

1. Spread dough into greased 15 1/2 x 10 1/2 jelly-roll pan. I used my 10 x 13 (4qt) glass baking pan.
2. Bake in preheated 375°F oven for 18 to 22 minutes or until very lightly browned.
3. Cool completely before cutting into bars.

It’s supposed to make 4 dozen bars. I don’t recall how many pieces we cut that one into. Everyone really liked it, but I think it had room for improvement. I’m not sure if it just needs way more fruit and nuts, or if the other parts need tweaking. The flavor was good, mostly it was the texture I wasn’t satisfied with. It was in between crunchy and chewy, and I want one or the other. I just haven’t decided which.

I’m working on round two of the recipe today.

One of the blogs I read daily (or try to at least) is Get Rich Slowly. They’re having a contest for a Wii, so it was some good inspiration to actually post.

I’ve known for a long time that I have issues with money. I grew up feeling “poor.” Being told you can’t take cans of food to school for the food drive because we almost qualify to receive those cans of food doesn’t make for strong feelings of security. Even though I was determined to be more financially secure when I grew up, I still made a lot of mistakes.

I would loan money to boyfriends or let them influence me to make bad financial decisions. I let my emotions cloud my logic.

I was also something of an impulse shopper, based on the hoarding/packrat habit I’d developed growing up. I never knew when I’d be able to get a new toy or piece of clothing, so I kept everything I had that might possibly be useful. I also bought things I wanted telling myself that I didn’t know if it would ever be available again. And though there are things I do somewhat regret not being able to purchase, I’ve found replacements I’m happy with.

Most of my other mistakes came from lack of knowledge. I had two years worth of investing eaten up by fees due to following the advice of a broker who was only out to make money off me.

I also made the mistake of thinking I should pay off my debts first, and then I’d start investing in my Roth IRA again. But I realized that at the rate I was going, that would never happen, so after about 8 years of not contributing, I started up again, after moving my account to a company with no fees. I moved it to WaMu to get away from the evil broker, but they started charging me $15/year for inactivity.

I think my other mistake was thinking that having a mortgage that was too high (1/2 my income) was better than renting (throwing away money as I saw it). I was stuck in a job and a home that I became increasingly more unhappy with for over 4 years. I was happy with both at first, but the commute started to make a larger and larger impact on my health, finally triggering severe pain and depression. I put my house on the market and bought a “mobile/manufactured home” in the same city I worked in. Thought I had planned for six months of paying two mortgages, it took closer to 8 or 9 and I ended up having to have my mom help pay the mortgage (we’re both owners on the old home) and living off credit cards. For a while I was even looking into having to file bankruptcy.

The house finally sold, but I was still left with about $15,000 of debt. I’ve done a few things to help manage my finances better and work on getting debt free.

I moved all my payments to come from my credit union, so I can see everything in one place, rather than letting companies do EFT debits.

When I got a new job, I put part of my increase in income towards my retirement savings to increase it to 10%, and once I’m debt free I plan to up it to 15% - 20% (and that’s before contributing to my Roth IRA, which I’m also making monthly payments that will max it out starting next year, since I started partway through this year).

I put any extra/found money toward my debt - various refunds from taxes and overpayments from the old home, etc. And money from the freelance work that I do on the side.

I’ve also started to declutter my house, it makes it easier to keep clean, so I’m happier, and it’s been helpful financially too. I sell things on Craigslist first, then if they don’t sell I donate to the Salvation Army (and will use the receipts for my taxes - due to the house I have to itemize for one more year). And then if the Salvation Army doesn’t want it, I give them away free on Craigslist. So I’m making money, or getting tax breaks, and decluttering at the same time. It also helps me curb my buying habit, since I don’t want to buy new things to clutter the house. If I do buy new stuff, I make sure that I have the space for it and will use it, and I try to get rid of something else to balance it out.

I also just avoid going places that will tempt me to spend, like bookstores or malls. I even prefer to shop online at Safeway.com so that I can multitask while shopping, and not end up with things I didn’t have on my list. Deleting from my cart is easy, but putting things back in the store is a hassle. I just get my produce from the Farmer’s Market instead.

I also transferred what was left of my debt to two cards, one with 0% interest for the life of the balance (with a small caveat - after a certain date I must use the card two times a month… hello 50 cent purchases!) and 4.99% for the life of the balance. The rest is on my fixed rate card at 7.5% through my credit union. That one is down from being maxed out at $7500 to less than $3000 and should be paid off in a few months, at which point I’ll throw all that extra money at my 4.99% card.

I still let myself have $50-200 a month as wiggle/fun money, like buying a ticket to go see friends in Georgia that I’ve been wanting to visit for a while. But the months I spend more, I make sure to spend less the next one.

I also opened an ING savings account and put $500 as emergency money in there. I emptied my credit union savings account since the interest rate was much lower and put the couple hundred in that toward my debt. Once my debt is paid off I plan to beef up that emergency account, and create a savings account for bigger “fun” stuff like landscaping the house so that I can pay in cash (or at least pay off the credit card that month). I will probably usually pay with a cashback rewards card, and just not carry a balance. Especially since credit cards give you extra protection on purchases.

I also have gotten better at saying no to eating out with friends. Instead I invite them over to eat, since feeding one or two people is still cheaper than me and my boyfriend paying for meals out. Plus it’s healthier too!

I also let my World of Warcraft account expire, and spend more time with friends in real life rather than in game. And cancelled my Netflix and just borrow videos from friends or watch stuff online. I even switched my local phone service to metered since I make phone calls so rarely and they are usually short. I also refuse to get a cell phone (my old one was provided by my previous job for free) again till my debt is paid off. I also plan to start selling my craft projects on my other blog and make more items to sell on Cafepress. It’s just been hard to find time with working full time, doing the freelance project and taking care of myself properly.

I’ve been in debt twice before, though never this much, and I’ve buckled down and paid it off. So I know I can do it, it’s just a matter of patience and determination, and then setting up systems so that I can hopefully prevent ever getting into this situation again.

The first time I failed to have an emergency account in place, and with a $5000 roof replacement, followed by multiple $100-300 car repairs tossed me in debt. The second time I bought something on credit that I should have saved up for first at the urging of a boyfriend who promised to pay for the interest (but we broke up not too long after). They say third time is the charm, and I’m determined that this time I’m going to stay out of debt for good.

I really enjoy reading the advice on Get Rich Slowly, it’s straightforward and simple and thus doesn’t make my head hurt trying to understand it! For example, I found out after asking about switching my Fidelity funds to an Index fund, that my money was sitting in cash reserves making me no profit! Thankfully it was an easy fix, and had only been that way for a few months, but I wouldn’t have thought to check or change it without the advice from Get Rich Slowly. I’m sure there are other good finance blogs out there, but it’s one of the first I’ve found. And coming from someone who’s been there and done that, it’s very inspiring.

Ok, enough rambling about my finances! Back to work!

Most if not all of this is from http://www.astrology.com/. This info is from a Word doc started May 5th, 2002.

Foreplay by the Signs
Aries doesn’t have time for foreplay.
Aries seeks to gratify themselves.
3 = High, 2 = Medium, 1 = Low

Aries
Caring 1
Daring 3
Devoted 2
Flirtatious 3
Jealous 2
Libido 3
Playful 3
Possessive 2
Romantic 3

Pisces
Those with their Venus in Pisces are often in love with the notion of being in love. Not very real, eh? Call it fantasy if you will, but those enjoying this placement are sensitive, compassionate and romantic souls who simply march to the beat of a different drummer. Much like the Fish who grace their House of Love, these folks love to swim in the sea of love. It’s wet, wild and wonderful in there! Even so, this intense desire to be in love can lead to seeing what they want to see, not what is really there. How can this be? Isn’t love supposed to be beautiful and true? Once again, a bit of fantasy mixed with reality, but that’s what happens when Venus is visited by Pisces. As well, those with their Venus in Pisces see love and sexuality as spiritual experiences: a state of love is not worth achieving unless it is accompanied by complete transcendence and bliss. Not everyone can swim in this sea, but for those who can, it’s a complete experience. Having your Venus in Pisces may mean that you spend a lot of time explaining yourself, especially where affairs of the heart are concerned. That’s okay, because these people would only want to be with someone who appreciates, and understands, their often misunderstood soul.

love meter
Sun Opposition Pluto with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

Power struggles plague your relationships. Either you become the dominant partner out of a fear of being controlled or you become very passive, controlling indirectly through guilt or manipulation. Your father may have been emotionally abusive to you.

Venus Opposition Saturn with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

Since you were a child you have felt you could not just be yourself and be loved. You had to earn your love in some way by being or doing something special. You are far more self-protective than most people realize. Your best love partners are also work partners.

Mercury Conjunct Mars with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

Since you tend to be rather irritable and sharp-tongued at times you require a partner with a sense of humor who is not too thin-skinned. You are bright, curious and restless and enjoy the company of those who are equally high-spirited and enterprising.

Sun Trine Neptune with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

One of your great strengths is your sensitivity. You tune in easily to the psyches of other people and, while you may not notice the color of their eyes, have an almost eerie understanding of their private inner worlds. Your close ties are very private.

Mercury Trine Jupiter with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

You have a quality people trust and you are often sought after as a confidante or an advisor. You have high moral and ethical standards and it is imperative that anyone you’re close to is a person of the highest integrity. You prefer well-educated people.

Aries Friendship Profile
As fire can be a fleeting thing, so can be the friendship of a Ram. If you want to call an Aries up for a night on the town, you’ll have an exciting companion for the evening — but don’t try to make plans for next week. This Sign needs variety in their friendships. If one group of people can’t keep up with their constantly changing interests, they’ll move on to new friends. Not that they ever lack for companionship: The Ram is well liked for their edge, so making new friends is never a big problem. Friends are nice, but not exactly necessary for independent Aries, who doesn’t need a big group to have fun. When they are in one, though, their competitive nature is liable to get the better of them. Don’t try to borrow even a cup of sugar from this one. Ruled by the First House of Self, selfishness can sometimes take the upper hand when it’s a choice between people and possessions. On the other hand, the Ram can be very warm toward their friends. As long as Aries feels that they are the number one friend in your life, you can count on having an exciting, albeit brief, whirlwind of fun.

Profile

Your Moon is in Leo

Warm, loving, and generous in your affections, you inspire tremendous devotion and loyalty in your loved ones. This is good, since you would never settle for anything less! You want to be adored and worshipped like the king or queen that you feel you are, and it is difficult for anyone to resist the warmth and attention you lavish on those you care about. You have a great deal of pride and need to be recognized and appreciated. The way to really hurt your feelings is to ignore you. You are genuine, sincere, and have a strong sense of personal integrity. You hate emotional games and dishonesty.

Your Mercury is in Pisces

You are more of a poet than a rational scientist, for your mind does not function in a strictly logical, linear fashion. The language of music, art, or poetry is natural to you, and you are also able to think in highly abstract and symbolic terms. Translating your thoughts and impressions into concrete, everyday language may be difficult for you at times and consequently you may appear less intelligent or at least less quick-witted and verbal than others. This was especially true of you as a child, and you probably daydreamed a good deal also. You are intuitive and are able to sense what others’ thoughts and feelings are, even before they say anything to you. You often form an opinion about a person or situation without much factual knowledge of them, and your impressions are usually correct. You can be somewhat absent-minded and you become so immersed in your own thoughts that you overlook things in your immediate, tangible environment. You are extremely open-minded and believe that anything is possible. Intangible or spiritual forces seem just as real to you as anything in the concrete world. Your imagination and your sympathetic understanding of other people are two of your greatest gifts.

Virgo Karmic
Your obsession with perfectionism and order can leave you feeling frustrated and in a rut. You have an almost compulsive attention to detail which may have been learnt from a parent or authority figure. Often times you discourage yourself and others from trying new things simply because they won’t be done the way you think they should be. Your karmic path is to always feel trapped within the lines and yet afraid to color outside of them. Fear is the basic motivation behind this desire for order — it is the only way you know of controlling your environment. If you are capable of overcoming this fear — letting go of control — you have a chance of developing an imaginative side where your practicality could become a valuable asset.

Aries: Karmic Life Lessons

Aries is a fiery energy, fearless and brazen, forthright and honest. Those born under its influence are positive, energetic people with a true zest for life. However, the old saying “Look before you leap” could be Aries’s mantra, and “honest to a fault” can definitely describe the Ram! If there were one thing Aries would most benefit from mastering, it would be patience. Aries is the most impatient Sign of the Zodiac and this tends to cause trouble on scales large and small.

Most people born under Aries’s influence experience everything in a heady, impassioned way; they want what they want right now and they can’t stand to wait! Certain things in life require patience and finesse, however. From affairs of the heart to education to cooking, certain endeavors call for a slow and steady approach. As it reflects the Cardinal Quality, Aries has lots of energy to start something new, but little of the dedication required to carry things through to the end, especially if something starts to become boring or tedious. This quality may cost Aries a great deal; especially in making major decisions (like “Should I drop out of med school?” or “Should I dump my steady sweetheart and marry the person I met last night at the Hula Club?”), Aries would do well to learn to slow down and sleep on it. Stop and think, “What will I lose if I drop this now, just because I’m bored? And what will I gain if I stay and follow it through to completion?”

Aries’s impetuous nature partially stems from the “me first” way in which Aries tends to view the world. As it is the first Sign of the Zodiac, Aries wants to be first — and best — in everything. This can result in a truly competitive nature. In team sports or on the job front, Aries may not be the best team player; after all, being overly competitive can sometimes be summed up in two words — sore loser. And we’re all bound to lose sometimes, aren’t we? It’s important for those born under the Aries influence to learn to be a gracious loser, in the odd moment of their defeat (since Aries doesn’t let defeat happen often!). Learn to step aside from time to time and allow other people their time in the spotlight; your time will surely return quickly, since Aries is a born star!

Stepping aside for someone else to enjoy center stage is a difficult thing for a true Aries to do. Many relationship problems for an Aries stem from selfishness and insensitivity; in a romantic relationship or a friendship or with family, Aries tends to forget the other person also has feelings, wants and needs. The joy of giving pleasure and satisfaction to another person can be even greater than the joy of receiving it; if Aries learns this lesson, it will open up the boundaries of love and sexual satisfaction to the joys of generosity.

Aries can look to other Signs of the Zodiac to learn its Karmic lessons. Cancer possesses the nurturing impulse that Aries may lack; those born under Aries’s influence can look to their Cancer friends to learn the value of sensitivity and emotional connection with loved ones. They can look to their Libra friends to learn the benefits of team efforts and partnerships, since Libra is all about working together. From Capricorn Aries can learn the about hard work and dedication, about pushing through something even when it has become boring and tedious.

Your Neptune is in Sagittarius

You are part of a 14 year group of people that are extremely idealistic and farsighted in their dreams. Your age group is very liberal and expansive in outlook, and consequently churches become much more flexible and more eclectic in their approach during your life time. Religions that do not adapt to the broad-minded attitude of your age group simply are unable to attract very much interest and involvement from you.

A great deal of metaphysical musing and speculation is evident in your age group, and there is a very strong interest in all manner of psychic phenomena, UFO’s, prophecy, etc. This interest will open many new doors and insights, but will also often lead to a great deal of fantasizing and speculation that is taken more seriously than it should be.

Aries
The sign of the Ram is graced by the element of Fire, and if you were to use one word to describe Aries, it could easily be heat. People born under this sign have a passion and red-hot energy, which often proves irresistible. It’s certainly never boring! Aries likes to initiate relationships, and the role of seducer comes to them easily. This sizzling romance dance will only work on those strong enough to stay in the game, because Aries wants a partner who can go toe-to-toe with them, whether it’s over lunch or under the covers. Aries likes to get its way and often pits the wishes of self against what is best for the partnership, which can lead to conflict. These battles, though, are often foreplay, which can result in some sexy fireworks of their own. The Ram is possessed of a great physicality, a sense of adventure, is wildly flirtatious and loves to play.

Aries and Romance
Aries loves the hunt and will do whatever it takes to get the prize they want. The question in their mind will often be whether it’s a prize worth keeping. Aries will take risks during the chase and would love the object of their affections to do the same. That give-and-take can keep things more than interesting and going for quite some time. There is no doubt that Aries is seductive and will prove hard to resist. Sparks will fly in this competitive pas de deux, and it’s all the better where the Ram is concerned. A mental attraction for impassioned Aries is often the first step and the indicator as to whether things will progress. If things work their way down — watch out! Once hooked, Aries loves strokes and tender caresses and a lover who will tell them that they are the best.

Aries in Relationships
The demanding and passionate Ram needs an equally self-possessed lover to stimulate them and set them on fire. If not, what’s the point? Aries can be fiercely loyal, yet self-centered at the same time, so their partner needs to exhibit confidence and a sense of when to give them the space they need. The occasional bouts of temper exhibited by Aries are best dealt with if they are used as a prelude to a deeper understanding and the sizzle that comes with kissing and making up. Aries will stick with a relationship as long as it’s hot (and fireworks are key to this Fire Sign), but if things start to cool down, it won’t be long before they hit the road. The ideal Aries soul mate may be someone who is never, ever dull.

Aries in Love
Aries is a moving target where love is concerned, always looking, seeking and often finding. It can be very hard to resist the Ram’s magnetic charms. The aura surrounding those born under this sign is one of intensity and intrigue, so many will be tempted to step up to the plate. This is exactly what Aries wants: many opportunities to play the game of love. Some things will work, and some won’t, but the game is surely fun! The beauty of it all is that Aries flourishes in love, becoming a more sensuous, understanding and feeling soul. As long as Aries remembers how to share, and the beauty of an us, things can go far.

Aries and Sex
The Ram is more of a tiger where sex is concerned and, like many other sleek animals, loves the hunt — that steady pursuit of the ultimate prize. Aries is a physical and fearless lover and is blessed with the stamina to go all night long. They are not afraid to experiment sexually in their quest for pleasure, which means an open-minded lover is a must. The Mile-High Club must have been invented for these folks! It’s safe to say that Aries’ lover must be able to satisfy, or the Ram will move on. The dominant sexual partner will likely be the Ram, and while eroticism is important, a mental connection is also favored by this sign. As if Aries weren’t passionate and demanding enough, they also want to be made to feel secure in a sexual relationship, lest jealousy rear its ugly head.

What Aries Needs
Aries doesn’t generally need hearts and flowers to give them a warm and fuzzy glow. What’s far more important to members of this sign is to find a partner who is equally strong and self-possessed and who will challenge them to greater heights, both mental and physical. The person who can draw them out and make them better is a keeper. It also helps if Aries’ partner can handle the occasional fiery argument and master the art of making up. Sexual adventurers are also very attractive to the Ram, whether it’s acrobatics between the sheets or the art of touching. There’s no shortage of libido here!

The Aries lover is passionate, adventurous and energetic, loves romance and revels in the art of the chase. Those who can stand the heat will be rewarded with a loyal companion who will take them to greater heights. Life with Aries is never boring, so get ready for the ride of a lifetime!

From June 13, 2003

By analyzing your answers to the Relationship Questionnaire we have created the following Personality Profile. Everyone has a set of subconscious wants and desires that drive their choices and attitudes. By asking you questions about a wide range of emotional issues, this report has established general patterns in your values.

Some of the following information may seem inaccurate or incomplete. Remember, that this profile is a snapshot of your personality at a specific moment. It is not intended as an in-depth analysis of your complete being, but as a tool to aid in self-discovery.

•    You become most comfortable in situations when the best offense is a good defense. You seldom act aggressively towards others, but will demonstrate a passive resistance from time to time.
•    When treated fairly, you can be sound and stable and seen as a dedicated and devoted individual. You hesitate to say no and will seldom, if ever, attack.
•    You are rather quiet and modest. You tend not to show assertiveness and are never domineering or egocentric. You prefer others to be in the spotlight rather than yourself.
•    When meeting new people, you may be rather unassuming and mild mannered. You will be cooperative and easygoing in social groups and family events, because of an inherent need not to make waves or cause hostility.
•    You may be well thought of because you rarely antagonize others or rarely want the spotlight.
Each person has a unique way of communicating. We use a combination of body language, facial expression, verbal tone and word choice to share ourselves with others. The following statements offer a look at the natural behavior you bring to an interpersonal relationship.

•    Because of a need to avoid confrontation, you may not express an opinion. As a result, you may go along with others, even if you disagree with the activity, sacrificing your own self-interests to accommodate others.
•    You would most likely not consider yourself an extremist on various issues, or in socializing with others. You do not need to be the center of attention like others, and in fact may feel rather uncomfortable when in the limelight.
•    Your style shows you to be a much better listener than many other styles. You will listen carefully and attend to what others say. People who are talkative by nature may seek you out because of the natural audience you provide.
•    In some new situations you may become somewhat unsure because of your need to feel secure in most activities. You will warm up to the new people or event in your own time.
•    You generally communicate with others in a mild-mannered way. You do not like to make waves and create disharmony. As a result, you may defer your own ideas to those of others.
Many different factors determine the communication styles with which you are most comfortable. Some individuals thrive on the challenge of pointed criticism, while others are at their best in a nurturing environment where criticism is offered as a suggestion for improvement. Each of us has a unique set of requirements and preferences. Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own. Having a partner who understands and practices these traits is important to your long-term happiness.

•    Be sincere and use a tone of voice that shows sincerity.
•    Take time to be certain that you reach an agreement.
•    Take time during explanations.
•    Provide personal support and assurance.
•    Present ideas softly, nonthreateningly.
•    Listen sincerely.
•    Provide solid, tangible, practical ideas and evidence.
•    Support ideas for change with facts, figures and logic.
•    Show sincere interest as a person.
•    Ask “How” questions to draw out opinions.
•    Be responsive toward ideas and commitments.
Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people. Some will seem obvious, but you may be surprised by others. Take a moment to reflect on each and consider what role it may have played in your past successes, and even failures.

•    You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.
•    You are generally very patient with people.
•    You take pride in being very loyal to friends and family.
•    You tend to bring feelings of security and stability to a relationship.
•    You tend to work hard at making sure that other people are happy.
•    You are generally good at cooling down tense situations in a relationship.
•    You are good at reconciling (i.e. you don’t like to sulk after a conflict is resolved).
•    You tend to be a very calming influence in heated situations.
•    You are a dependable and caring partner.
•    You like to gather facts and think things over before offering a strong opinion.
•    You are excellent at listening to your partner.
In general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed.

You may want:
•    A friendly, favorable social environment.
•    A support system to help you get things done.
•    To feel safe and secure in social situations.
•    Support of your ideas and dreams.
•    Partners who practice listening and participation.
•    Status quo.
•    Recognition for your loyalty.
•    An audience to perform to and entertain.
•    A feeling of security.
•    Sincerity offered from others.
•    To feel important, but not be the leader.
•    Equal relations with others.

Written Saturday March 20, 1999. Also inspired by a book I was reading, not sure which one.

Principles – excellence, honesty, trustworthiness, communication, prioritize

Excellence – every project that I undertake, whether school, work, or personally related, I will try to do the best job possible

Honesty – be honest with myself and others about what I’ve done (good or bad) and what I want.
If I don’t have something nice or constructive to say, be quiet.
If I do have something nice to say, be sure to do so.
Accept compliments gracefully-just smile and say thanks-DO NOT discredit or blow them off, by doing so I discredit myself AND the person complimenting me. I deserve the compliment. If someone else helped earn the compliment be sure to share the credit with them and pass the compliment on.

Trustworthiness – If I say I’ll do something, do it. If I say that I won’t do something, don’t. Unless someone gives you permission to share personal information with friends, assume that you don’t have it. Honor prior commitments, if I won’t be able to or something else comes up, talk to the people involved and/or affected (by the change in plans) before breaking a commitment.

Communication – Listen first to others problems, then offer empathy, then support or help if appropriate-look first at what help would entail (time & resource wise), then determine how much you can contribute without compromising higher priority goals.
Congratulate people on happy circumstances and success.
Share my problems-others can help-do not expect help, but if it is offered and is useful, accept it. If it is not useful, thank them anyways.
Share my happy circumstances and success, but don’t brag.

Prioritize – Do not take on more than I can do, overloading myself impedes excellence and if I fail to do everything that I said I would, trustworthiness is affected. Be honest and communicate, tell people if I will not be able to do something (don’t tell them that you don’t want to or have better things to do, just tell them that you don’t have time or have too many prior commitments to take on something else).

Created Wednesday October 25, 2000. I think it was inspired by a book I was reading, possibly a Tony Robbins one.
Roles – individual, daughter, sister, family member, student, friend, employee

Individual – My health is my first priority, physical and mental. This requires proper exercise, nutrition, sleep and time to relax and center myself.
Allocate time to work on skills to improve myself, whether developing new ones or practicing old ones.
Allocate time to do things that I enjoy-reading, art, anime, dancing, etc.
Allocate time for school or classes-take classes when possible, learn at least on new thing a year.
Spend time developing family relationships.
Spend time developing friendships.

Sister – Try to be considerate of my brother.
Try to encourage him.
Help him when I can.
Spend time with him developing a friendship.
Find common interests to discuss (learn html together?)

Daughter – Respect my parents.
Help out when and where I can.
Spend time with them. Talk about my life and theirs and try to develop a closer, more open relationship.

Family Member – Spen time with family as a whole. Bond.

Friend – Be there to listen and offer empathy.
Spend time talking and developing the friendship.
Spend time doing stuff together-bonding.
Keep in touch through email, letters.
Keep track of birthdays and send a card.

Student – I will not disrupt class.
I will try to contribute to class when possible.
I will help others because teaching is a good way to study.
I will do my homework in a timely manner and neatly.
If I need help, I will ask for it during appropriate times.
I will study regularly.
I will attend class regularly and will inform the teacher of any absence I know of in advance if possible.
I will make up what I missed if I miss class.
I will take notes in class.

Employee - I will arrive promptly.
I will work neatly & efficiently.
I will not take on more than I can handle.
I will delegate if appropriate.
I will be self motivated and find work to do.
I will share pointers and accept criticism gracefully and try to improve my performance.
I will present an appropriate image through dress and action (politeness and customer service).
I will not let myself be taken advantage of. I will not let myself become trapped or stagnant.
I will do research to know my own worth.

I found these pages of stuff written out when unpacking some more on Sunday.

On a scrap of paper:

“Motion helps sleep - sleeping in car? Did mom & dad do that?
More trouble with waking easily (mom)
More bad dreams (me)”

The answer to the first question is yes. Also explains why I love hammocks and rocking chairs.

This next one was a big one in a binder after talking to my therapist and just starting to read “The Highly Sensitive Person” probably about…. 2 years ago? A lot of it is really accurate, though there are some caveats now, I’ll put them in {}.

“What I’m looking for

Intelligence (conversation, respect for an equal)
Humor/Fun/Playful
Confidence (good self esteem)
Honesty, Trustworthy & Trusting
Communication
Positive (Happy/Optimistic)
Leader/Planner/Take charge - I can keep myself from being run over, don’t want and indecisive wimp - I might steamroll them
Romantic - willingness to be - it’s ok to get it from a book etc. as long as it happens - flowers, slow dancing, etc.
Very physically affectionate/cuddly (not directly tied to sex - just in general)
Is looking for marriage - understands that friendship is required to make that work & that you don’t have a lot of space {Not sure what I meant about space}
The same work/sleep schedule would be nice, if not must be willing to compromise {for time together and to not interfere with each other’s sleep}
Good Friends - reflects on him & his ability to have relationships
Must already be looking for marriage & family - not “someday” or “maybe” {as in ready to get married after finding the right person}
Must enjoy giving massages & receiving them
Strong is nice - I love being picked up and carried
likes the real me - short hair, little to no makeup
musically inclined - instrument or voice or both
good dancer
must be tolerant of the music I like
believes in self improvement - is ok with & has maybe been to therapy {as in, if we were to get married and ever have serious problems, willing to go to counseling}

Where I’m at -
I like the idea of marriage - 1 guy every day for the rest of my life - #1 best friend & #1 most important thing in my life

I believe friendship must come first or the physical & emotional connection will delay or hide the lack of a mental & spiritual connection.

I’m looking for respect, security, commitment - any man that respects me will be willing to wait & be patient, the right man should agree with the concept that the person you marry should be your best friend and that you need to go slow & develop the friendship.

I’m looking for someone emotionally available, but perhaps due to my empathy I’m {often} most attracted to those that hide/deny/bottle up their negative emotions - they feel happier/safer/calmer to me.

Theory on empathy - I’m a highly sensitive person - referring to the nervous system. Possibly I pick up on vocal, visual, olfactory & electrical cues that other don’t & I often can’t tell if I’m feeling someone else’s emotions. {I’m getting better about telling what is mine and what isn’t, but intense negative emotions from others are still very hard to be around - I know they aren’t mine but I still feel them}

Crowds overwhelm me - too many conflicting signals overwhelms my nervous system

Live performances - energize me, huge difference between live & taped, 1/2 infatuated with performers while the performance is going on - absorbing audience energy & actors projected energy

move too fast & easily confused not so much because I’m trying to please them to my own detriment but because I’m feeling their strong emotions & my weak ones - confusing.
do I want this or do I want it because they do?

Need to find someone who appropriately shares emotion - must share important stuff, but some things - like desire to move faster or farther shouldn’t be used to pressure me.

I want someone who is willing to ask permission for what they want so I can clarify what I’m ready for and what I like and want. I don’t like having to always push away or say stop or don’t.

I think I also want a guy to use as a focus/buffer so that I’m not overwhelmed as easily or as often - maybe the books will help me find a different/better way. {Well, it wasn’t fun, but after a year & a half of being single, I’ve figured out what I can handle when I only have myself as a buffer and what I have to do to take care of myself.}

What I need to make clear - I’m NOT having sex before marriage, I want to move very slowly - six months of friendship first - no jumping in - I fall in love too easily {and therefore get hurt easily} - I am very cuddly - hugs, holding hands, sitting/laying together, massage - but none of that means I’m ready for sexual stuff. Body language conflicts with my words, but I am NOT most girls - so deal with it or leave me alone.”

This was based on a conversation with a friend.

“Why do I need to give so much?

To be liked.

Why do I need to be liked?

Because I don’t like/value myself

What do I value?
Why am I the way I am?

Don’t trust Dr. - don’t want to be judged - judging myself?”

I’ve been working on respecting myself - which involves demanding to be treated with respect as well. And so far it’s seemed that respect & value go hand in hand for me.

More stuff:

“Mom complained about me hanging on her arm - I took that as what I want physically, others don’t want to give or don’t enjoy giving. I used to feel that to get what I want, I had to give/do what I didn’t want to because I was making them do what they didn’t want to.

Sometime during my earlier sexual relations I figured out that doing what I didn’t want to or was uncomfortable doing was not a good idea or something I had to do.

However, I still see someone else doing what I want as something they do for me, not as something they want to do. Also, I’m open about what I like & want, but I don’t like asking for it when I want it or having to mention it repeatedly - if I have to do that I feel like I am forcing the person to do a chore - something they don’t want to do, and then I can’t enjoy it.

I am an adult. I am only responsible for myself. I don’t not do what I don’t want to. - I should be willing to believe that others are the same way. I shouldn’t be so worried about using people {on accident}.

In junior high through junior college I saw women consciously using men for money, gifts, attention, etc. It seemed disgusting and wrong to me - like they were selling themselves.

I also let myself be used during high school because I had extremely low or no self esteem. So I know how bad being used felt.

I am now terrified of accidentally or unconsciously using people. But everyone does this to some extent, there is a natural give & take in relationships, which should be balanced.

I would never consciously use someone, so why am I so worried? Why do I feel so guilty? Because I feel like I am selfish and could easily use someone without meaning to. Also I do not value myself so when what they get in return is me, my attention or affection, I do not feel like there is an equal exchange going on. So I feel guilty. {The respect/value thing has helped this, and also being more open so that there is less risk for hidden agendas.}

I was constantly insulted, used, hurt by my so called friends in elementary school. Even when they made me cry daily, mom never told me they were not my friends. I decided that letting someone know that they had upset or hurt me would make them happy that they had achieved their goals so I learned to repress negative emotions & especially never to cry in front of people.

Anger is a reaction to hurt, so it’s probably ok that my anger turns to hurt almost instantly but I need to learn to acknowledge, accept & express those emotions. {I’ve been practicing letting people know about my emotions good and bad and have had good results which has been encouraging.}

I don’t like yelling or getting angry at people I care about or even seeing others get yelled at because I remember how bad I felt when dad yelled at me. I felt unloved and rejected - which is what he was trying to do - push us away so we wouldn’t find out about the drugs, to protect us from himself and because he felt unworthy.

Which I probably have from my dad’s side of the family. It explains why I’m double jointed, have weak gums, and bruise easily.

From an email I wrote:

Papa plays guitar. I took lessons after school from my
english teacher for a year, but I didn’t stick with
it.

Ok, so, story.

When I was a little little girl, I made up a song and
sang it to my mommy, and she loved it so much that it
made her so happy that she had to laugh with joy. But
I was just a little girl and didn’t know that you
could laugh with joy, so I thought she was laughing at
me. And so I never sang songs unless someone else (or
many someones) were singing with me or I was alone.
The end.

I still make up songs. And hum random tunes to
myself. And cause I grew up with mom and dad singing &
playing music… I never actually learned to read
much, I just learn the tunes and sing them. Sometimes
I can even hum along with a song the first time I hear
it cause I just know what is going to come next.

Onion bagels are yummy, but not so good for the
breath.