Bunny’s TMI

The Grown-up Picky Eaters Club
Kids may palm off veggies to the dog, but some adults are still just as finicky.

The parts I relate to:

“Pelchat has found that certain textures are an even bigger turn-off than tastes for many picky eaters.”

“Others cringe at “inclusions,” such as nuts or raisins embedded in muffins—even if they enjoy eating such snacks in their pure form.”

“The adult picky eater was almost always a choosy child”

“And those who harshly punish non-plate-cleaning children … exacerbate the situation.”

Though the guy in the article is waaaaaaaay more extreme, I have none of the problems mentioned in on his site pickyeatingadults.com. I’m not at all bothered by or ashamed of my pickiness, and don’t care at all about others being surprised or annoyed. Plus I can almost always find something that I’ll eat at any event or restaurant. I know what I like and what I don’t, and why (taste and/or texture) and I see no reason to suffer by eating things I don’t like.

A related article:

Food: The Science of Scrumptious
Why do we loathe lumpy food, pick at our plates, and believe that chocolate will cure all ills? They say there’s no accounting for taste, but science is giving it a try.

“In short, we’re all weird about food. An anthropological analysis found that more than a third of us reject slippery food like oysters and okra. Twenty percent of us don’t like our foods to touch on the plate. The next time you wander a grocery-store aisle packed with jars of pickled jalapeños and boxes of instant scalloped potatoes, consider this: One-fifth of us eat from a palate of just 10 or fewer foods.

The rich blend of instincts and habits that shape our eating patterns has baffled biologists. Although, new knowledge of the neurological highways that connect gut and brain, combined with psychophysical studies probing the perception of flavor, has shed light on the gourmand within. The study of “hedonics”—the pleasure of eating—has determined that we are hardwired to prefer sweet and avoid bitter and that the love of fat seems to be an acquired taste. The flavors we sample while we’re still in the womb stay with us into infancy and perhaps well beyond. And, as anyone who has heard the call of a cream puff at 3 a.m. will not be surprised to hear, eating beloved foods stimulates some of the same neural pathways as addictive drugs like cocaine. Other research suggests that our stomachs may literally be thinking for us: A separate sensory system located in the gut sends subliminal messages to the brain about what’s good to eat and what’s not.”

Interesting article:

How Not to Talk to Your Kids
The Inverse Power of Praise.
By Po Bronson

I definitely can relate to the - I’m smart, this thing is hard, so therefore I should focus on the easy stuff and forget about the hard stuff “logic.”

So, hard drive is unrecoverable. But as upset as I was I managed to not cry about it, or do anything really stupid (like driving to Sac through nasty Friday rush hour traffic to get my external drive to start recovering data to) and just went home early to relax with the kitties.

At some point I realized that the stuff I cared about losing was the stuff I’d created - and really that stuff was just a part of me. And as my pirate pointed out, I could recreate it. It’s not like I lost a finger or an eye or something. So I managed to have a relaxing and productive weekend. Got more stuff done in the den, and the tree undecorated and put away. Projects left to do are get the curtains up and put the lights up in my bedroom.

I really want a dishwasher, so I’m looking into getting a free one via Craigslist possibly.

I also managed to pick up the bug spray I like from ACE about five minutes before they closed on Saturday. The other day I had to clean up an infestation of queen ants and their drones (they all had wings) that tried to get in my bedroom window. So definitely time to spray around all the doors & windows for bugs.

I like the organization concept behind this medicine cabinet idea. Using stuff you’re storing anyway, to organize other stuff, thus saving space. Doesn’t look bad either!

I really like how this lamp looks, and was trying to think how to do something similar but cheaper involving a shaped hole puncher or three and heavy paper or light plastic sheeting. I can never find affordable lamp shades I like so I have a bunch of lamps with bare bulbs.

The same company has these great little mirrored shapes… or shaped mirrors to decorate with.

I would love to use this adorable espresso set to serve tea in, or maybe even ama-zake. The saucer is petal shaped, and the cup handle is shaped like a twig. The spoon looks like leaves.

I need speakers at some point for my computer/media center. These JBL Spyro’s are soooo cute! The satellite speakers are shaped like flowers. I doubt I’d actually go with just a 2.1 system though.

Clocky runs & hides if you snooze the alarm! Now that’s a good way to get forced to wake up on time. You have to find it to turn it off!

I prefer the glide rocker I have (less chance of pinched kitty paws or tails - or kid’s hands for that matter) but this rocking chair’s shape is just downright sexy.

This is a spiffy little bag cushion play thingy.

Happy Heartbreak - it’s funny, just watch the commercial. (And for those who are slow, no it’s not real.)

Still trying to sell my WoW trading cards.

Seven Things I Learned from World of Warcraft by John August

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Sex by Schedule
The link between sexual behavior and your hormones, and why regular sex is good for you.
By:PT Staff

Biologist Winnifred Cutler found that regular sex is good for you. It orchestrates a woman’s body biologically, regulating the flow of hormones that make it fertile and, in turn, increase well-being. It also props up testosterone levels in men.

Embrace once a week. Weekly intercourse—but not less—tunes the menstrual cycle to 29.5 days, optimal for fertility and general endocrine health.

Here’s the tricky part: the findings mandate monogamy. Only committed relationships allow sex so regularly. If regular sex is not possible, then it’s better to abstain altogether. That’s because intermittent sex drives hormones wild, sending estrogen to lower lows (and higher highs) than the more moderate lows of celibacy. (Lows are responsible for bone loss, depression, and even heart disease.)

Banish the thought that you can keep yourself hormonally humming with your own hand. It isn’t the orgasm but the presence of another person, preferably male, that does the trick. Men add chemicals that fire off nerve signals to the brain and alter endocrine patterns.

I have something new to talk about with my therapist next week. I thought it was just a bad habit I hadn’t managed to break….

All from articles on: http://www.ocfoundation.org/

Compulsive Skin Picking (Neurotic Excoriations)

Exerpt from the
Jenike, Baer, Minichiello book,
“OCD: Practical Management”
(1998, Mosby)

Neurotic excoriations are lesions produced by patients as a result of repetitive skin picking (e.g., Gutpa et al., 1987; Stein et al., 1993). The behavior takes the form of an extensive cleaning ritual (Van Moffaert, 1992), and the patients intend to remove small irregularities on the skin. In more severe cases the habit is uncontrollable and may turn into an urge to dig deep into the skin. Unlike patients with dermatitis artefacta, those with neurotic excoriations usually admit the self-inflicted nature of their lesions (Gutpa et al., 1987). Skin picking occurs secondary to delusions of parasitosis, but these patients have a psychotic character and differ from those with typical presentations of neurotic excoriations.

… The lesions are in areas of the body that the patients can easily reach, such as face, upper and lower extremities, and upper back (Obermayer, 1955). They are usually a few millimeters in diameter and crusted, weeping or scarred (Griesemer & Nadelson, 1979, Obermayer, 1955). The excoriations are produced with fingernails or small instruments such as tweezers or pins. Picking occurs most frequently in the evening or at night (Freunsgaard, 1984; Zaidens, 1964).

Visual inspection and touching of the skin often precedes picking. Patients describe an uncontrollable urge to pick blemishes, and a temporary feeling of relief when blemishes are removed. This is soon replaced by a sense of disgust, depression or anxiety (Phillips & Taub, 1995).

Stressful circumstances usually increase picking behaviors. Some patients describe being in an almost trancelike state while picking at lesions. Patients often report that they try to resist the urge, but they usually find it difficult to control. A few of the patients we saw in our clinic looked somewhat disfigured because of scarring that resulted from skin picking. Most of them had mild acne. Patients were very embarrassed about their behavior and camouflaged the resulting lesions with make-up or clothing. Skin picking typically does not occur in the presence of other people. Occasional patients reported picking at other people’s skin. Several studies described patients suffering from neurotic excoriations as “perfectionistic or having obsessive-compulsive traits, depressive symptoms, anxiety, hysteria, hypochondriasis” (for a review see Gutpa, et al., 1986). The lack of modern diagnostic criteria limits the value of these studies. Skin picking has many similarities with OCD, since it is ego-dystonic, repetitive, ritualistic and temporarily relieves tension (Gutpa & Gutpa, 1993; Stein et al. 1993; Stout, 1990). The compulsive and self-destructive quality of the behavior also resembles nailbiting and Trichotillomania. …
Demographics and Course

No data is available on the rate of occurrence of neurotic excoriations in the general population, but the incidence is estimated to be 2% among dermatology patients (Griesemer, 1978). Prevalence is higher in women than in men (Freunsgaard, 1984; Fisher & Pearce, 1974) and the mean age of onset is in the range of 30 to 40 years. However, some researchers reported a peak in the 20s (Obermayer, 1955). The intensity of compulsive skin picking seems to fluctuate, and the mean duration of symptoms is reported to be 5 years (Seitz, 1953) with the majority of patients having symptoms for 10-12 years (Freunsgaard, 1984).

Treatment

Although dermatologic treatment may help to improve the skin condition, the treatment for neurotic excoriations is primarily psychiatric. Several case reports describe that these patients benefit from treatment with serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Gutpa & Gutpa, 1993; Stein et al., 1993; Stout, 1990). In our anecdotal experience, the patients responded well to the use of SRI medications and/or with behavior therapy. Sometimes, symptoms have been completely eliminated with these approaches.

—————–

Some disorders that closely resemble OCD and may respond to some of the same treatments. They are trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling), body dysmorphic disorder (imagined ugliness), and habit disorders, such as nail biting or skin picking.

————

What if I feel as if I’ve failed because I need a drug to help me?

A way to think about the use of medication for OCD is to compare your illness with a common medical disorder such as diabetes. There is growing evidence that OCD is, a neurologic or medical illness not simply a result of some problem in the environment or of improper upbringing. As the diabetic needs insulin to live a normal life, some OCD patients need anticompulsive medication to function normally. Diabetics often feel angry and upset about having to take insulin. There is no evidence that OCD is a result of anything that the patient or their parents have done. It is best to consider it a chemical or neurologic disorder affecting a part of the brain.

From: Free you, others of ill-founded feelings

Excerpt:

Have an emotional connection before you risk getting emotionally involved and hurt as a result of sexual interaction. This means feeling comfortable and safe with talking and touching.

Talk about “sexpectations,” i.e., “If we are engaged sexually, I expect to have a monogamous relationship.” In the absence of discussion, you can easily feel betrayed simply because somebody else has different expectations.

Follow the three rules of sex: 1. Get permission. 2. No pain, ever. 3. When someone says stop, stop; when someone says no, stop.

Develop your sexual voice to avoid emotional and physical pain AND get what you want.

- Dr. Darcy

Brain Trainers:

Hi-Tech Calisthenics

Video games can be more than brain candy. Mounting evidence suggests that keeping the brain active can keep it healthy—staving off the effects of Alzheimer’s disease in the elderly, counteracting ADHD in the young, and enhancing memory, attention, and motor skills for everyone in between. As researchers debate how well shoot-’em-up or Sudoku skills carry over to other tasks, multiple companies rush to cash in on the hype.

I wrote in and got an answer fairly quickly! Yay!

Rob’s Soapbox

February 12th, 2007

SOAPBOX BY REQUEST; ACT LIKE YOU’VE BEEN THERE

Last week, I got the following e-mail from a listener named Jenny:

“Hi Rob,

I Love the show and especially your soapbox. I’d love to see your opinion on public displays of affection on your soapbox at some point.

Jenny”

Ask, and you shall receive. As you can imagine, there are very few topics that I don’t have opinions on, and certainly PDA’s are a topic worthy of Valentine’s week.

Public Displays of Affection present a myriad of quandaries for those of you not blessed with my intellect. On one hand, we, as a society want to encourage people to be in love and be proud of their love. On the other hand, there are limits and discretions that must be observed. However, those limits are, of course, subjective. Some people believe that any sign of affection is acceptable because “it’s just the way people express their happiness.” Others believe that hand holding only is ok; while others still argue that simple kissing is where the line must be drawn. Fortunately for all of you, I am here to sort this out.

PDA’s, like fashion, body art, voice volume and all other forms of “look at me-isms” are all about self-respect; those of us with high levels of pride and self-esteem and equally low levels of a need to be noticed instinctually know where to draw the lines on all of these issues. The rest of the culture need to either be taught or laughed at appropriately. One phrase drives my decision making on all of these, and other, issues: “act like you’ve been there.”

When a 5 year old makes his first catch in Pop Warner football or gets his first hit in Little League baseball, you expect him to act like an over-active idiot excited beyond belief. He has, after all, never been in such a situation and, based on his intellect and maturity level, we expect such behavior. When that same child is 16 and leading his high school team to victory any self-respecting adult expects that boy to recognize that another base-hit or another tackle is just part of his job…why? Because he’s been there before and he knows that the sum of the parts is more than the thrill of the moment. The first time you drove a car you were nervous, excited and prone to driving faster than necessary for the “thrill of it.” At 35, you know that there is a time and place for such actions and the thrill of racing the fuck-wad next you at a stoplight has long since passed. The first time most of us had sex, we bombed and we bombed badly because we were nervous and excited. Once we acquire some experience and knowledge, we get better at what we do sexually and the thrill changes from a thrill of the novelty to a thrill of the possibilities.

Granted, most of my previous examples are based on a common thread; experience… and that is where my favorite phrase comes in; “act like you’ve been there.” Perhaps the most salient example I can give you is New Year’s Eve, better known as “amateur night” due to the fact that idiots who have no idea how to drink and/or hold their alcohol go nuts, get drunk, get belligerent, annoy all of us and make asses of themselves. Such nights spawned the phrase, “I remember my first beer, too,” a condescending remark designed to tell people they were acting like young, immature, ignorant idiots.

In the world of public displays of affection, the same such rules of self-respect must apply. While it’s not “ok,” for a teenage couple to French kiss in a McDonald’s, it is almost expected and understood by most of us. That same couple, in their early 20’s, should simply know better. They should act like they’ve been there before and recognize that you do not prove your love by showing it off to society. You do not declare your passion for someone by making others uncomfortable. Those that feel otherwise are simply part of that “look at me” culture that was never hugged enough by their parents. You know the ones… they drive a Prius with bumper stickers that say stupid things like, “Question Authority,” “Bad Cop, No Doughnut,” and “Anarchy.” Jerks.

Incidentally, those of you that would argue that the reason you stick your hand down your girlfriend’s top in Pottery Barn is just because you’re proud of her are misguided and lame. I am proud of my career, but I do not announce myself as a celebrity when I walk into a room. Pride, like greatness, is not pronounced or explained… it simply is.

So the answer, when it comes to Public Displays of affection is a balance based in self respect. No one believes more than I that you should not live your life for others, but you also must simultaneously understand that in a civilized society you must live within that society or remove yourself from it. You win nothing by trying to shove society’s face into your own crap. Hand holding, brief pecks on the lips, and arms around one another are the acceptable norm in today’s culture. When at a romantic moment in time, a brief but slightly passionate kiss is certainly understood. Beyond that, get a room. No one is impressed by the fact that we can all see you fingering your wife under the table of jerking off your boyfriend in the movie theater.

How to Win Someone’s Heart

The exerpt I like:

Once you’ve won the heart, the trick, of course, is keeping it. Harville Hendrix, a marriage counselor and the author of Getting the Love You Want, counsels spoken appreciation. “Before my wife and I go to sleep, we name three things we appreciate about one another,” he says. Frequency is key. Saying “You were great to make coffee” on several occasions beats a onetime “You’re the greatest.”

The Love Breakthough:

(“O”, The Oprah Magazine, January 2005, pp. 128-131, 163-164)

Brent J. Atkinson, Ph.D.

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Most people believe that certain ways of behaving in relationships are correct and others are incorrect. This is true to some degree. We would probably all agree that physically assaulting one’s partner is wrong. But marriage researchers have found that the vast majority of things couples argue about involve areas in which there is no evidence that one partner’s standards are better or “healthier” than the other’s.

Take selfishness—most of us think it’s bad for relationships. The problem is that there are so many potentially legitimate yardsticks for measuring pigishness and we tend to use our own, not our partners’.

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The way our brains are wired, the most effective way to solicit understanding and cooperation is not by attempting to prove oneself right at the other’s expense. It’s by exposing vulnerability. This is a difficult adjustment for anyone to make when feeling threatened, but in relationships where an emotional bond exists, evidence suggests that the brains of those involved are set up to respond to vulnerability with empathy.

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Why do people forget what they pick up so easily? Recent neuroscience studies suggest that new insights often don’t last because they aren’t integrated into the brain states that become active when the insights are most necessary. Finding a new way of thinking when we are calm doesn’t necessarily transfer to moments when we’re upset. When we feel threatened, our brains automatically kick into special operating modes that are designed for self-protection – not relationship bliss. Early indications of our special self-protective modes emerged from studies involving electrical stimulation of the brain date back to the 1950’s. By implanting electrodes deep within specific regions of patients’ brains, then applying electrical pulses, researchers were stunned to see the moods, desires and concerns of patients change dramatically. For example, upon stimulation, a patient in a study conducted by Robert Heath of Tulane University School of Medicine flew into a rage and felt suddenly offended, and threatened to kill the physician who was closest to him at the time. Patients in such studies are often surprised and confused by their own actions. When stimulation ceased, one patient remarked, “Why does it make me do this? I couldn’t help it. I didn’t have any control. I wanted to slap your face.” Even though they know ahead of time that the electrical stimulation might trigger anger, when the self-protective states in their brains are activated, they trust the feeling that they’ve actually been offended.

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Fortunately, our brains are not only equipped for self-protection; we’re also wired for love. Jaak Panksepp and his colleagues at Bowling Green State University have found the neural pathways for four specialized brain states that produce feelings that draw us closer to those we love: One state produces a feeling of vulnerability and a longing for emotional contact, a second produces feelings of tenderness and the urge to care for others, a third produces the urges for spontaneous and playful social contact, and a fourth activates sexual desire. While it’s possible to engage in caring actions without the activation of these mood states, such actions often feel fake, lacking the heartfelt quality that gives them meaning. Caring acts are simply that: acts.

When relationships are going well, the intimacy states are naturally active – and the feelings they produce are contagious. When one person is feeling sad, tender, playful or lustful, it’s easy for the other to feel something similar. For example, Panksepp has found that distress cries of young animals automatically activate the caretaking circuits of nearby adult animals. UCLA researcher Marco Iacoboni believes that this may be because of “mirror neurons” recently discovered in various many areas of the brain. Mirror neurons allow us to feel what another person is experiencing. This is why we cry at the movies when we sense the emotions of the characters, even though we don’t know them. Mirror neurons help our brains recreate the feelings inside of ourselves, allowing us to be powerfully affected by others.

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Nearly all neuroscience researchers agree on one thing: The mechanism through which the brain acquires new habits is repetition. One of the most enduring concepts in the field of neuroscience is Hebb’s Law, which states that when brain processes occur together over and over again, the connections between the neurons involved are strengthened, so that these processes are more likely to occur in conjunction in the future.

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Our moods and attitudes play a more powerful role in influencing our partners than the persuasiveness of our arguments.

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People often struggle mightily to influence each other’s behavior, only to fail because they don’t understand that their own critical attitudes and moods are triggering their partner’s natural defenses. Couples must retrain lifelong neuroemotional habits, in much the same way athletic or musical ability is honed through intense training and practice. Lasting change requires new impulses—ones that are formed only by making the same internal shifts over and over. If there’s one thing that’s clear to me from my new understanding of the brain, it’s that we will never succeed in out-muscling emotional states with the power of rationality. My experience tells me that when partners are approached with compassion rather than cool logic or blazing argument, internal states will usually shift in ways that create the possibility for real intimacy. Our brains, after all, are wired for love.

Mine is “Gotta Be” by Des’Ree.

Find Your Song (and Sing It)

Whether you’re feeling insecure, unmotivated, or just a bit blue, the fastest route to energy and confidence is through your very own theme song.

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That did it, all right. I was no longer walking; I was strutting, I was smiling, I was bursting with energy. I was unstoppable. About 20 minutes into our meeting, that editor said, “You know what, Gail? We really want to buy your book. We love your energy!” Now I sing my song every time I walk into a challenging, ego-on-the-line situation. And it always works. Oh, I don’t mean I always make the sale. But I always bring my best self into the room — whether it’s an interview, a presentation, or a cocktail party filled with people I don’t know.

Actually, I’m so committed to the idea of “finding your song” that I urge everyone I know to find theirs.

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Finding your song is not hard.

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I know it sounds crazy, but singing that silly song made all the difference. Roger came out of himself; he became a motivator. He energized his clients, and they loved it. Now he’s the guy the CEO goes to when she wants to clinch a deal. And he did it all by recapturing a moment in his life when he felt unstoppable and by replaying the song that made him feel that way. Looking back for those moments is probably the easiest way to find your song. (And, by the way, it should be just one song. Of course, you might love a bunch of them, but it’s important to choose just one to pull out and sing when your ego is on the line. I love Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” a lot. But that’s not the song that lets me own the room. Only “I’m the Greatest Star” does that.)

What would it take for you to know you’re exactly the right person, at the right place, at the right time to get what you want? What song would you hear and sing when you’ve decided to be energized, unforgettable, and irresistible — and you have only 15 minutes to figure out how? Here’s what it takes: You have to find your song and sing it. Sing it for all you’re worth. Why not? This is exactly the right time for you to step into the limelight. The world has been waiting for you to knock ’em dead. So, what’s your song?

Voice Lessons
1. Find your song.
Think back to a moment in your life when you felt like a million bucks. Maybe you were on the bus in high school, returning from a great softball game; or at a dance when that extremely cute guy pulled you out onto the dance floor. What were they playing? What were you singing? That’s your song.

2. Sing it.
Out loud if you can, or just to yourself in an elevator or on a busy street. Sing it on the way to the interview, the big presentation, or the first date, or going to school to pick up the kids after a bad day.

3. Share it.
Ask someone you love what his or her song is, and tell that person yours. (And if you’re stuck finding yours, you can always steal one. Nobody will mind!)

4. Use it.
Remember — no matter how worried you are, no matter how far behind you’re running, your song will get you there. In a pinch, you can always sing Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive,” right? That will do it.

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Written by Gail Blanke

January 2007
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