“but then you can’t expect somebody who loves you to treat you less cruelly than he would treat himself.”Mary McCarthy on Love and Hannah Arendt’s Advice to Her on the Dangerous Delusion That We Can Change the People We Love – The Marginalian
This was a revelation for me – I had such a hard time understanding how someone could be so kind, generous & compassionate with everyone but me. Until I realized that I had become part of their self and thus was mistreated the same way they mistreated themselves. And because of my codependency I had allowed & tolerated it by not setting firm boundaries.
No one can read minds.
Your “obvious” hints/signs/clues – aren’t. Just state your needs if you want a chance of getting them met.
You are the only one who knows the inside scoop.
You are the one who knows what your internal experience is – everyone else can only guess based on behavior.
Put on your air mask first.
You must have love and compassion for yourself before you can have it for others.
If you are what you practice habitually, the best place to start is with your internal voice – be kind to yourself.
Feed the good wolf – if you feel yourself going into what I call “the bad place” – I distract myself with things that remind me of hope, kindness, goodness (right now it’s the idea of permaculture).