It’s estimated that childhood sexual abuse (CSA) affects 1 in 5 children ages 0-17.
Which means 1 in 5 adults is a survivor of CSA.
CSA is traumatic even if you don’t remember it.
And anyone thinking 0 year old babies aren’t at risk – we know I was assualted by a grandparent when I was 1 something. We don’t know if that’s when it started or just when I was able to verbalize it.
Why am I telling you this?
Because prevention is the cure. And to prevent the problem you have to be aware of it. And if no one talks about it, how can anyone be aware?
Also – it was NOT MY FAULT. And I have NOTHING to be ashamed of.
And neither do you. It’s ok to cry. Better to process the grief than to turn it inward or lash outward.
Ok, so now what? If you’re a survivor – get trauma treatment. Regular therapy most likely won’t help.
If you’re a parent – educate yourself and your kids about consent, body autonomy, tricky people and bad secrets.
Stranger danger isn’t a thing. Strangers are EMTs and store clerks and firefighters who you’ll rarely interact with and will usually be perfectly safe doing so, possibly even life saving.
Tricky people who don’t respect body autonomy and ask kids to keep bad secrets are the dangers. And they’re usually (around 90% of the time) family or friends or other people who aren’t strangers – like some priests and coaches. Just like most kidnappings and Amber Alerts are due to non-custodial parents taking the kid(s), not strangers.
Resources:
- Safety & Prevention | RAINN
- Child Sexual Abuse Prevention | Saprea
- Stop It Now | Stop It Now
- National Coalition to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation
- Child Sexual Abuse | Sexual Abuse Prevention | Darkness to Light – Darkness to Light
- About Child Sexual Abuse | Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention | CDC
- Home – Enough Abuse
- Preventing Child Sexual Abuse: What Parents Need to Know – HealthyChildren.org
- Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
- Preventing Child Sexual Abuse Resources | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)
- https://www.nctsn.org/
Books for adults about trauma:
- The Body Keeps the Score
- How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent – not for recovery, but a great place to start
- Brain-based Parenting – uses very diplomatic terms such as “blocked parenting” about the brain differences (caused by trauma, though I don’t think it states that part directly, it focuses on how to correct difficulties).
Books for kids I own:
- Amazing You! – Talks about private parts including using the correct names for them. What it doesn’t directly mention is that if your kid suddenly acquires a new nickname for a private part, that’s a sign you should investigate where that nickname came from. Being comfortable talking about private parts means that if something happens involving them, your child is likely to be more comfortable talking about it with you.
- Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect
- Consent (for Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of YOU
Books I plan to look into:
- Secrets Don’t Include Mom: How to Talk to Your Kids About “Good” and “Bad” Secrets
Noriega-Bernstein, Claudia - No Secrets From Mom: A Beautifully Illustrated Book Designed To Teach Kids About Body Safety, Body Privacy, How To Say No, Private Body Parts, Good … Bad Secrets, Meaning of Blackmail, and More.
- The Secret Touch – Big Children’s Picture Book about Good and Bad Touch, Understanding Concepts of Personal Space, Body Boundaries and Private Parts- … Kids to Make Them Understand Their Feelings
- No More Bad Secrets: A Kid-To-Kid Guide on Safe Body Touch
Copelin, Daisy - Shout NO!: A Child’s Rhyme About Tricky People…And What To Do
Ernst, Sara - My Body is Safe: Tricky People and Safe People
Hardstaff, Crystal - Poppy Jelly learns about Tricky People
Lawless, Kristine - Tricky People: The New Way To Talk To Your Child About ‘Stranger Danger’
Hardstaff, Crystal - I’m a BOSS of My Boundaries: an Illustrated Body Safety Book for Kids to Teach Children Body Boundaries, Safe & Unsafe Touch, Consent, and Respect Feelings
Logerty, Eva - My Body is Mine: Body Safety for Kids
Hardstaff, Crystal - Body Safety Workbook for Kids Ages 3-7: Teaching Body Autonomy, Unsafe Touch, Boundaries, Private Parts, Strangers & Consent Through Fun Activities & Discussions
Wold, Jordyn - Body Boundaries and Me: Body Safety Story Book for Kids about Personal Space, Body Bubbles, Respect and Consent to Help Discuss and Learn Children’s Safe Touching
Laurent, Adrian - Body Safety Book for Kids by Tim: Learn Through Story about Safety Circles, Private Parts, Confidence, Personal Space Bubbles, Safe Touching, Consent and …
Laurent, Adrian - Let’s Talk about Body Boundaries: Body Safety Book for Kids about Consent, Personal Space, Private Parts and Friendship, that helps toddlers and children recognize their own emotions and feelings
Emote, Julia - Body Safety Book for Kids: A Children’s Picture Book about Personal Space, Body Bubbles, Safe Touching, Private Parts, Consent and Respect
Laurent, Adrian - Safety and Consent for Kids and Teens with Autism or Special Needs: A Parents’ Guide
Jacobs, Debra - Safety and Consent for Kids and Teens with Autism or Special Needs
Jacobs, Debra - Want a Hug?: Consent and Boundaries for Kids
Babinec, Christine - Good Touch – Bad Touch: A Children’s Book Teaching Safe and Unsafe Touches, Personal Boundaries, Body Safety, and Consent for Kids Aged 3-10 (Let’s Learn Picture Books 2)
Das, Kunal