I remember my mom talking and reading about codependency when I was a teen maybe?
I thought because I had made sure I knew how to support and take care of myself that I wasn’t going to end up codependent.
My brother had talked about it some too, but I still didn’t really know what codependency was. Then I read this article on the Gottman blog.
Since I lost it once and have to redo it and am including resources, may as well share here:
My Pronouns: they/she
My Concerns: ADHD, Anxiety, ASD, Climate change, Collaborative & Connected Parenting, EDS (with POTS & Raynaud’s), Homeschooling (Unschool-ish, SEL focus), Hyperlexia, Sustainability (Search with Ecosia)
Join me in forming good habits with Habitica!
Embrace diversity with curiosity!
Anxiety:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-can-i-tell-if-i-have-anxiety-what-to-do-about-it-0914175
Too many people are letting anxiety make decisions for them. Approximately 1 in 4 Americans will have an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, and still more experience clinically significant anxiety symptoms that lead them to turn down opportunities and undermine their own potential. Even for those who do not struggle with clinical levels of anxiety, the messages about fear and anxiety in our society are not healthy ones. Long before coronavirus, the repeated message has been that the world is a dangerous place and we are vulnerable. And more than that, we are fragile and can’t handle feelings of anxiety.
…
We need to change this narrative and embrace anxiety as the signal that a challenge lies ahead. We can shift the thinking pattern that screams in our heads that the situation portends a threat we cannot manage to a quieter voice that empowers us to handle a challenge, and recognize that we can get back up even when something doesn’t go well. It is time to develop a new mantra: Anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous. Anxiety can be tolerated so we don’t need to escape or avoid situations that make us anxious when no objective danger is present.
…
Resource: https://mindtrails.virginia.edu/
https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/why-anxiety-should-not-be-feared
Climate Change
https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/climate-change
https://www.nrdc.org/stories/your-guide-talking-kids-all-ages-about-climate-change
https://www.npr.org/2019/10/22/772266241/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-climate-change
We did American Swim Academy‘s Walnut Creek location and paid for private (bought out both spots – a parent or BT could use the second spot if we wanted) and later did back to back sessions – one private and one with another kid. Courtney, Jenna and Destiny were especially good. All the instructors give lots of positive feedback and work on exposure for kids who aren’t comfortable with water. Very positive experience and my kiddo now swims comfortably.
I’m autistic.
I prefer direct, literal and detailed communication
If I am:
Not making eye contact
Not greeting you back
Not understanding your social cues, etc.
There is no malicious intent. It is the autism.
Thank you for understanding.
https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office
“This should be the norm tbh!! very proud of you for stating your boundaries and needs clearly,” Alastar wrote. “I wish everyone had signs telling me how to communicate tbh,” Bro added.
“How is it that we prefer direct, literal, and detailed communication, but somehow WE’RE the ones with a communication issue???” Reading cosmere! wrote.
https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office
“The funniest thing about the comment section of my autism sign video is the people who are asking me, ‘Are you self-diagnosed? Are you formally diagnosed?’” he said in the video. “Do you think neurotypical people would make a sign like that? Do you think that would happen? Do you think a neurotypical person would do that?”
https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office
I keep meeting folks who have one kid diagnosed but other kids that aren’t. There is relatively strong evidence that it’s genetic/hereditary (Genetics of Autism Spectrum Disorders – PMC (nih.gov)) – enough that I’m not sure why folks aren’t told to automatically have all siblings evaluated.
I’m 42 and just now starting to figure out who I am and who I want to be, I spent so long masking so deeply that it’s taken over two and a half years to start to realize that I don’t need to do things I “should” to be “normal” or “fit in” – a recent example was telling my best friend that I don’t like eating at restaurants, most of them are sensory nightmares and that I would stay home and happily wait while the others went out. It’s so nice to be able to say no to things without feeling guilty or like I need to explain or give reasons.
This really resonates with me. I was managing until I became a parent, and when I finally came up for air – I found myself wondering if adulting/managing life was this hard for everyone.
“When you mask ADHD, “good enough” standards of timekeeping, tidiness, and organization are not sufficient. The consequences of a minor slip-up, like forgetting to submit a form on time, can feel like the end of the world. I obsessed over carefully chosen outfits; cleaned my house to perfection before a casual coffee date; lived by a complex system of reminders, spreadsheets, notes, and alarms; and arrived two hours early to guard against being late, wondering why life was so exhausting and feeling like a failure.”
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/lessons-on-adult-adhd-diagnosis#:~:text=When%20you%20mask,like%20a%20failure.
For my homeschooling group originally, female authors whose books I loved as a teen/young adult.
While hilariously and sadly Ehlers-Danlos (EDS) is a “rare” disease, it’s actually just an adaptation that can have both upsides and downsides.
It’s also very simple to check for, just go through this scale and see if you score 5 or more (or would have as a teen – often we develop stiffness or arthritis later and aren’t able to move the way we used to):
If you do have Ehlers-Danlos, while there is a HUGE host of symptoms (comorbidities), one of the most commonly identified is joint subluxation.
Joint – I would define this as: where two or more bones are connected by ligaments (tendons attach muscle to bones and can cause issues too). Stub – list all joints, especially less common ones, like between each vertebra in the spine. Today I’m just focusing on educating myself on the thumb so I can address my pain.
Subluxation: https://youtu.be/zQh0PeyZvxY
A list of stuff I think is worth watching/listening to:
I was wondering this morning why “I feel ___ when ___, I need ___.” statements are so hard to use.
My first thought was that being honest means being vulnerable – which can be very hard for many of us. I’m very open about the facts of my life, but I realize I still struggle with sharing my feelings.
Side note, I recently read something about the difference between feelings and emotions.
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