Info Dump mess – I want to come back and split this out to three different things:

  • CalFresh help since clearly there is a bunch of stuff available I found this time that I didn’t last time
  • Yelling at people who need it (I love Penelope Trunk, she yells at the world with her blog and you can pay her for coaching if you want her to yell at you privately, or take her classes if you want her to yell at others while you quietly think about how you needed to hear that – if you have a trauma background, you either are still avoiding being yelled at (read her blog so you can pretend she’s yelling at other people until you can’t resist commenting or taking a class or coaching session), you need to be yelled at but still hate it, or you recognize how helpful it is an love it.

    Oh, Penelope, that’s why we love you even if you think we hate being yelled at.
  • whatever other journal junk I need to clean out of this for those two


It took three tries requesting a call back on CalWin.

The most important thing I’ve learned recently is to say this:

I’m autistic and I KNOW my questions seem really stupid. I just need your help please.

I couldn’t say that without crying because it sucks to know how smart I CAN be and how stupid I WAS being because I couldn’t function at the moment they called and I knew I HAD to take the call.

I had to pull out a calculator and a blank document on my computer and do the math before they could answer my questions and then I cried again in relief that the solution was so easy.

The math:

If you are disabled and only get SSDI (see note below about cash help)


SSDI Amount
– Rent (LEASE amount)
– Utility exception of $500+
= Your income

If your income is 0 or negative, then you qualify for the maximum CalFresh benefit.

I had to ask the person three times and say that I was sending cash monthly and had a document in writing to the rental company promising to send the cash amount monthly before I believed them:


Your rent is what your LEASE says the person ON THE LEASE owes, not how much of it you pay AFTER any help you receive. Yes, tell them about the help if you are doing the phone interview – so they can reassure you it doesn’t matter.

NO – DO NOT DO ANY MATH for them.


Or you got someone that sucked at asking questions. More likely, if you’re autistic, have an autistic relative, or think you’re smarter than the person you’re talking to – either you’re not or you’re a jerk.

Being stupid, admitting it and then thanking the person afterwards is better than being a jerk.

I thanked the person very specifically and heard a laugh of pleased surprise.

I know what that laugh sounds like, because I’ve heard it and I’ve made it enough times.

I said something along the lines that I recognized that the job sucked and didn’t pay enough and that they were doing it anyway to help people and to please keep doing it until they found a better way to help people.

Anxiety will lie to you that you can’t trust anyone. If you grew up with trauma, then you will have anxiety because that’s how you survived the trauma of your childhood.

The way you recover is that you figure out that humans are all trying the best they can to survive, and if they have anything left, then they start to thrive.

The way you thrive is to connect. And to connect you find people you want to listen to, or who want to listen to you.

You only need one mutual friend. You can be a friend to someone who needs you as a friend, and you can have friends that you need that don’t need you back. There are so many kinds of friends.

If you journal privately, you’re managing your anxiety.

If you write publicly, then you are sharing your truth just in case it helps ONE other person. So the things you’ve learned and experienced can help someone else the way you wish you had been helped.

Authors are telling the stories they need to tell. Popular authors are telling stories that many people wanted or needed to hear.

The internet has made it so we can tell our stories so many different ways so that any human can find the story they need.

I found the story of the worst of humanity and that I can see and understand the worst thing a human can do and forgive it – because that is how much they suffered and are suffering.

I understand why Nonviolent Communication is the name that author chose. And I understand why people call it NVC because they want to help people who need to learn to communicate, but are too far from pain and trauma to understand it, or too close to tolerate it.

I’m so glad that people exist that can’t even imagine existence being so painful that you don’t want to exist anymore. I was shocked to learn that my father-in-law is one of those people.

Either you understand suicidal ideation, or you don’t.

I don’t know if my husband does. I know I do and I feel sorrow because I think my child does too. I do know my father in law doesn’t. He was so confused when I asked him if he had ever WANTED to die. Like, couldn’t even imagine understanding why any human would want that level of confused.

These people are working for crap pay dealing with us at our worst because they either want to or are willing to help. If you think you’re smart, then recognize that they are the experts here and you need to trust them

You’re not being honest or helpful by “doing the math” for them, you’re giving them the wrong numbers.

Don’t bother trying to call and wait – they have a 500+ backlog as of today and every time I tried to call and wait I was 40+ in the queue and never got to a human before the call dropped after 2+ hours on hold.

Go on CalWin, request a call back on Monday, if you don’t get one or miss the call, request it again the following Monday.

Right now the state has been sending emergency aid and you might have more on your EBT card than you realize, just go try to use it or:

CalFresh EBT Balance and Login – California Food Stamps Help (

If you can’t find your card – report it as lost: EBT Card

People are trying to help. And the more ways we try to help, the more people we will help.

When I was functioning, I didn’t find this site, but I did look all this up on my own, so I knew my family member qualified for the maximum and was getting only 1/10th of that amount.

We got a person at some point, and they pointed us at the form to fill out and upload on CalWin so that I can talk on behalf of my family member without them having to be present to give permission each time. You can give any adult you trust permission to apply for you.

Slooooooow it down: eating

Infographics video – processed foods taste good when eaten quickly and not so good when eaten slowly. I would guess that eating slowly makes it easier to taste the various additives.

Chew a bite of food 10 times (aim for 5-10 seconds) – it can reduce the desire for processed food. Unprocessed foods – chewing for at least 10 seconds helps unlock more nutrients and makes it easier to digest the food.

Obesity wasn’t a thing until 1800s, recognized as deadly mid 1900s? Ted Ed

1 hour activity daily kids?

average time daily eating 1.75 hr (ex. Spain meals 1 hour usually, up to 2 with family)

If meals are an hour – and you chew thoroughly and slowly – then you have time for questions and stories. Ask a question, take a bite, chew slowly and focus on listening to the answer. This avoids interrupting, eating with mouth open (small bites make it easier to close mouth), or talking with food in your mouth.

We use “chew, chew, swallow” to encourage finishing a bite before talking. We also wait until the person is done to say or ask anything to reinforce that slowing down didn’t cause them to lose their train of thought or their place in the conversation.

Small bites, lots of chewing. Put down utensils between bites. Wipe hands on napkins. Sip water between bites. Chewing slowly preps your digestive track – if you swallow before food is completely crushed and mixed with saliva, it won’t digest as well and could lead to heartburn, constipation, indigestion. Lack of chewing can lead to gastroparesis because there wasn’t enough chewing to signal stomach acid production. Or it can contribute to SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth) because things don’t get moved through as quickly as they should either because the system wasn’t revved up or the food was harder to move. Things moving through the system slower also leaves it more open to fermentation or contributing to gut permeability and inflammation.

TLDR; Take small bites, chew at least 10 times and aim to completely liquify the bite by thoroughly mixing it with saliva before swallowing.

You’re not Autistic. Or HSP. Or anything except Human.

You’re a human with the environmentally sensitive neurotype & likely genotype.

If you have Autism – then you also are probably suffering from some number of these issuses:

  • epigenetic changes caused by illness, trauma, stress or inherited
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • attachment disfunction or trauma
  • sleep deprivation (tongue tie, nursing, chewing – effect of jaw development on airway)
  • impaired microbiome
  • poor interoception
  • poor proprioception
  • emotional neglect
  • convergence insufficiency
  • insufficient exercise
  • insufficient time in nature
  • Ehlers-Danlos
  • MTHFR mutations (add info on diet changes, when everyone ate liver, it didn’t matter)
  • probably other stuff I’ll add as I find

Your intellect, creativity, independence, etc. are all part of your neurotype, but if you can’t connect or communicate with others, that’s something you can work on and improve – and most likely therapy isn’t the way to start – figuring out your particular health problems and addressing those is. Starting with sleep.

With the rise of chemical farming, both chemical exposures and also lack of nutrients, Autism has increased. With the introduction of sugar and processed foods, Autism has risen.

There have always been Neurodivergent folks, they are the ones driving the advancement of society. And without Neurotypical folks, society would collapse. We’re in the process of fixing things by way of breaking them first to figure out how they work.

Before humans did things that worked, that were discovered by trial and error experimentation, but didn’t know why it worked. Examples being much of indigenous knowledge, and eastern knowledge.

The main example I know of is acupuncture & qi. Western medicine only recently realized that the fascia maps to the energy flow of qi. And sensory signals are energy flows/transfers.

Permaculture with its restorative agriculture that can restore the soil-food web and our health is also the solution for climate change. Human culture and the human race are evolving into a global community, and right now we’re suffering the growing pains. If we can learn to truly care for ourselves, then we’ll learn that to do so, we must care for others and our planet.

Farm Bill in 2023

Great article with lots of source links for more information:

With the next Farm Bill, the Biden administration and Congress can build a food and farm system that:
Centers racial justice by confronting past discrimination and allocating resources to communities that have been historically underinvested;
Ends hunger by protecting and strengthening food assistance programs;
Meets the climate crisis head on by investing in research, technical assistance, and support to make farmers and ranchers more resilient and part of the climate solution;
Increases access to nutritious food and nutrition security;
Ensures safety and dignity for the 20 million food and farm workers that feed our nation through a living wage, access to health care, clean housing, the right to organize and join a union, protections from toxic pesticides and extreme heat, and access to citizenship;
Protects farmers and consumers by continuing to promote competition in the food and agriculture sectors; and
Ensures the safety of our food supply by addressing pathogens that originate on factory farms and to make the U.S. food supply safe for everyone.

President Bidenโ€™s Farm Bill Must Transform Our Food System – Union of Concerned Scientists (

And more info on the importance of soil health:

L.L. “It articulates the depth of how important it is to get our soil back to functioning by getting organic matter in it, so we can have nutritious food to eat.”

soil > plants > humans or soil > plants > animals > humans

Food is what our body and microbiome consume, and what we consume is what we are built from. So if nutrients are lacking or toxins are present in the soil, then that’s what is in our bodies too.

I’m trying out the Aerobin I got from Costco so we can create our own compost to grow some of our own food. I’ve also been mulching using the fallen leaves and needles in the yard and grabbing free wood for hugelkultur.

Argh, TwitterTools hasn’t been working.

Next time I’m in LA I must try their ice cream:

Toy Story 3 was great (in 3D with dad & pirate), Monsters vs Aliens was cute (with mom & bro) and frozen Cioppino (TJ’s) is a BAD idea.

Emergency visit to dentist, bad, not needing a root canal on the tooth with a crown, GOOD! 1:08 PM Jul 2nd

Sweet, I just updated to Android 2.2, lots of nice new stuff!

The sun was shining through the clouds this morning and half the sky was covered with rays of light. Too bad I didn’t bring my phone/camera! 1:39 PM Apr 16th

Y La Bamba & Sean Flinn live at Luigi’s Fungarden

Saw my step brother play live tonight with two bands touring from Portland. He plays the accordian and the sandpaper. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Good times and I realized it has been way too long since I’ve heard live music performed, because I forgot how much I love it! Also, pizza was good, but not amazing enough to go back unless for more live music. I think I liked it more than Village Pizza in Davis – similar style and price but more flavor. Probably more likely to eat at Pete’s pizza across the street – thick crust pepperoni with avocado – yum!

Band info: (The lead singer sounds somewhat like Lily Allen I thought.)
They’re also live tomorrow… err, technically tonight since it’s 1:30am… anyway, at Amnesia in SF.

And time to pass out now that I managed to drive home without doing so!

Chocolate Yummies

Eventually I’ll get the photos/scans for these posted, but I wanted to blog this before it went too long and I forgot what they tasted like.

Nestle Coffee Crisp – Tasty coffee crunchy goodness, would be great crumbled and sprinkled on top of coffee ice cream.

Fran’s Chocolates GoldBites: caramel and almonds in dark chocolate – This was fantastic, the caramel was soft without being liquidy or chewey, and had a nice dark, rich flavor and color. The almonds were whole and crunchy.

Lake Champlain 5 Star Chocolate Bars: Hazelnut (praline, hazelnuts, milk chocolate) and Caramel (caramel, almonds, milk chocolate) were both major disappointments for the price ($4 or $5 for a tiny bar).

The Caramel didn’t hold a candle to the one from Fran’s, with much smaller chunks of almond, and fewer almonds for the amount of caramel. The caramel itself was fine, but nothing special. The texture was very similar to the one by Fran’s, but it didn’t have that dark roasted richness.

The Hazelnut was the worst – no better than Ferro Roche, but with a much higher price tag. Really the only difference is that it had the same texture as the crunchy outside of a Ferro Roche throughout – not sure if that was the praline, hazelnut chunks or both. I was expecting much larger chunks of hazelnut. If you like Hazelnut, you’ll like how it tastes, but for the price I think I’ll stick with Ferro Roche.

Trader Joe’s Belgian Chocolate Assortment – I haven’t tried them all yet, but I’m looking forward to it. These are only slightly lower quality than the Valentines Day Belgian chocolates that Costco carried. Still plenty tasty – but you better like hazelnuts as they’re in three of the seven types, two are caramels, and then there is a mocha and a plain chocolate. The flavors are easily as strong as the Costco ones, but they’re a bit overly rich, much like See’s candies. Which isn’t really that bad of a thing as prevents you from eating them all at once.

Happy New Year!

Got running today for a friend, read most of Spirits in the Wires (borrowed from same friend) – who we had yummy Japanese with at Katana in Sunnyvale yesterday. Also went to see The Princess and the Frog – it was great!

Having a family dinner tonight, the cooking started at three, and folks should start to arrive shortly. Tomorrow we plan to see either Avatar or Sherlock Holmes.

And before I forget – Mel’s brownie sundae sucks, bleh! Only one as bad or worse than Baskin Robbins so far.

Email cleaning – February & March

Feb 14 & 15 – There was a really big wind storm (not fun to bike in!!!) and power went out too – both days. Turns out once it was because of this: “Per KCRA 3 news this morning, E Street in Davis will be closed at some time today to remove a very large tree thatโ€™s leaning against the Zen-Toro restaurant.” And once was: “
The kcra channel has a slightly more interesting story – overhead lines downed by a crane on a barge AND a car hitting a West Sac. power pole at about the same time.”

Feb 28 – I found out today that my headaches really are migraines. But for now
the dr.wants me to stick with the meds I have (I had one I hadn’t
tried yet) and see how things go. Fun fun. So I’m logging everything I
can think of to track and see if I can figure out my triggers.
– Rikshaw on Broadway for $1 sushi night with the JCC crew.

I don’t recall much of March other than quals + paper + interviews for my pirate = lots of stress for both of us.

MT’s going away dinner (she moved to hawaii) at Meow’s house March 10th.

Pizza dinner with JG – we had three coupons for free personal pizza’s from donating blood – on the 14th.

March 24 – My old youth pastor agreed to officiate at the wedding. ๐Ÿ˜€ (So I guess I do have a bit more done than I thought.)

March 27 – Dinner with the JCC gang at Burgers and Brews. Good food and company as usual. ๐Ÿ™‚ TM was in Davis for the career faire, hence the weeknight dinner.