Info Dump mess – I want to come back and split this out to three different things:
- CalFresh help since clearly there is a bunch of stuff available I found this time that I didn’t last time
- Yelling at people who need it (I love Penelope Trunk, she yells at the world with her blog and you can pay her for coaching if you want her to yell at you privately, or take her classes if you want her to yell at others while you quietly think about how you needed to hear that – if you have a trauma background, you either are still avoiding being yelled at (read her blog so you can pretend she’s yelling at other people until you can’t resist commenting or taking a class or coaching session), you need to be yelled at but still hate it, or you recognize how helpful it is an love it.
Oh, Penelope, that’s why we love you even if you think we hate being yelled at. - whatever other journal junk I need to clean out of this for those two
It took three tries requesting a call back on CalWin.
The most important thing I’ve learned recently is to say this:
I’m autistic and I KNOW my questions seem really stupid. I just need your help please.
I couldn’t say that without crying because it sucks to know how smart I CAN be and how stupid I WAS being because I couldn’t function at the moment they called and I knew I HAD to take the call.
I had to pull out a calculator and a blank document on my computer and do the math before they could answer my questions and then I cried again in relief that the solution was so easy.
The math:
If you are disabled and only get SSDI (see note below about cash help)
Then:
SSDI Amount
– Rent (LEASE amount)
– Utility exception of $500+
= Your income
If your income is 0 or negative, then you qualify for the maximum CalFresh benefit.
I had to ask the person three times and say that I was sending cash monthly and had a document in writing to the rental company promising to send the cash amount monthly before I believed them:
IF YOUR FAMILY IS GIVING YOU MONEY and you don’t live with them – THAT IS NOT UNEARNED INCOME.
Your rent is what your LEASE says the person ON THE LEASE owes, not how much of it you pay AFTER any help you receive. Yes, tell them about the help if you are doing the phone interview – so they can reassure you it doesn’t matter.
NO – DO NOT DO ANY MATH for them.
YOU DON’T KNOW THE EQUATIONS.
Or you got someone that sucked at asking questions. More likely, if you’re autistic, have an autistic relative, or think you’re smarter than the person you’re talking to – either you’re not or you’re a jerk.
Being stupid, admitting it and then thanking the person afterwards is better than being a jerk.
I thanked the person very specifically and heard a laugh of pleased surprise.
I know what that laugh sounds like, because I’ve heard it and I’ve made it enough times.
I said something along the lines that I recognized that the job sucked and didn’t pay enough and that they were doing it anyway to help people and to please keep doing it until they found a better way to help people.
Anxiety will lie to you that you can’t trust anyone. If you grew up with trauma, then you will have anxiety because that’s how you survived the trauma of your childhood.
The way you recover is that you figure out that humans are all trying the best they can to survive, and if they have anything left, then they start to thrive.
The way you thrive is to connect. And to connect you find people you want to listen to, or who want to listen to you.
You only need one mutual friend. You can be a friend to someone who needs you as a friend, and you can have friends that you need that don’t need you back. There are so many kinds of friends.
If you journal privately, you’re managing your anxiety.
If you write publicly, then you are sharing your truth just in case it helps ONE other person. So the things you’ve learned and experienced can help someone else the way you wish you had been helped.
Authors are telling the stories they need to tell. Popular authors are telling stories that many people wanted or needed to hear.
The internet has made it so we can tell our stories so many different ways so that any human can find the story they need.
I found the story of the worst of humanity and that I can see and understand the worst thing a human can do and forgive it – because that is how much they suffered and are suffering.
I understand why Nonviolent Communication is the name that author chose. And I understand why people call it NVC because they want to help people who need to learn to communicate, but are too far from pain and trauma to understand it, or too close to tolerate it.
I’m so glad that people exist that can’t even imagine existence being so painful that you don’t want to exist anymore. I was shocked to learn that my father-in-law is one of those people.
Either you understand suicidal ideation, or you don’t.
I don’t know if my husband does. I know I do and I feel sorrow because I think my child does too. I do know my father in law doesn’t. He was so confused when I asked him if he had ever WANTED to die. Like, couldn’t even imagine understanding why any human would want that level of confused.
These people are working for crap pay dealing with us at our worst because they either want to or are willing to help. If you think you’re smart, then recognize that they are the experts here and you need to trust them
You’re not being honest or helpful by “doing the math” for them, you’re giving them the wrong numbers.
Don’t bother trying to call and wait – they have a 500+ backlog as of today and every time I tried to call and wait I was 40+ in the queue and never got to a human before the call dropped after 2+ hours on hold.
Go on CalWin, request a call back on Monday, if you don’t get one or miss the call, request it again the following Monday.
Right now the state has been sending emergency aid and you might have more on your EBT card than you realize, just go try to use it or:
CalFresh EBT Balance and Login – California Food Stamps Help (icaliforniafoodstamps.com)
If you can’t find your card – report it as lost: EBT Card
People are trying to help. And the more ways we try to help, the more people we will help.
When I was functioning, I didn’t find this site, but I did look all this up on my own, so I knew my family member qualified for the maximum and was getting only 1/10th of that amount.
We got a person at some point, and they pointed us at the form to fill out and upload on CalWin so that I can talk on behalf of my family member without them having to be present to give permission each time. You can give any adult you trust permission to apply for you.