I struggle with cPTSD. This is a way I found to communicate with my partner about my status so they can be more considerate without getting triggered themselves.
It’s like living in bear country. People who don’t live in bear country don’t worry about bears at all. I’m always at some level of alertness/activation if I’m not in my safe space.
bear country – I have to be alert for signs of bear, so I can’t be totally relaxed.
bear tracks – I’m relieved the bear isn’t around but disappointed to see its tracks.
audible something – My attention is split trying to figure out if what I’m hearing is a bear.
audible bear – My attention is on the audible bear to make sure it’s not coming closer.
visible bear – Even more focused on the bear and being prepared to move away.
approaching bear – I’m trying to move away from the bear and get safe
charging bear – I’m running away trying to get safe
bear attack – I’m no longer functional (may go non-verbal, etc.)
If you get between me and the bear you’re increasing the danger level for me since I can’t see it. If you don’t move when I ask then I’ll need to move. If you follow me and block my view again then you start to become a bear yourself. If a bear is too close I might become a bear myself in defense.
It has really helped reduce the amount of defensiveness and triggering. I don’t have to explain if they are the bear, I’m the bear or something else entirely (headache, etc.) – I just say “bear” and they give me space.
This is just a metaphor for communication about the sympathetic nervous system and how activated it is — also referred to as being flooded, triggered or dysregulated.
