Self-Care

I woke up at 5 in a lot of pain. I realized that to learn to be vulnerable I needed to learn to stop masking my physical pain.

I started writing out my pain stories. I started to get sleepy which usually happens when I’m REALLY trying to avoid something. My rib was really painful though and heat wasn’t helping. I was able to play some YouTube videos that gave me some instant pain relief.

Next step, how do I make sure I actually do exercises regularly?

I need to work dance/song into it. Probably sing the instructions while doing the exercises to turn them into dance moves. Also get out the foam roller.

And I need to set up a music playlist to move me through the day.

I can do the wall arm one while I supervise my geriatric cat eating. And the shoulder squeeze I can do anytime and helps with the pain right away.

W.R.A.P. Wellness Recovery Action Plan

I just found out about this. It’s what I’ve already done as my kiddo’s transition checklist.

I just need to make mine now.

WRAP – Wellness Recovery Action Plan: Ep 1 – Beginning Your WRAP – YouTube

Worksheets:

Preparing to Create Your Personal Recovery Plan

Before you begin to write out a plan of action for your recovery process, you need to first assess your current status and decide upon your major needs and goals. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  •  What are my motivations for making this change? Keeping my job, my family, my friends? Improving my self-esteem and regaining pride in myself and my behaviors? Feeling better and becoming physically healthier? Other reasons?
  • What challenges will potentially be my biggest barriers? Are my coping skills currently limited? Do I have sufficient support systems (family friends, support groups) in place for times when I may need assistance and encouragement? Do I have legal or financial issues to address as part of my plan of action?
  • Can I commit to following the steps I create in order to change my life? Can I honestly say that I am ready to make a major, positive change in my life and that I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen?

If you can identify your motivations, understand your challenges and recognize that the outcome will be worth the effort, you will be ready to create your plan.

Components of Your Personal Recovery Plan

When you are ready to write your plan, make lists of the elements that you will want to address:

  • Personal triggers (places, circumstances, people) to avoid
  • Specific strategies for addressing each identified trigger situation
  • Ways to improve self-care (relaxation strategies, socialization opportunities, health and wellness strategies – sufficient sleep, good diet etc.)
  • Coping skills you need to learn or to improve (anger management, emotional self-regulation etc.)
  • Relapse prevention strategies (go to support group meetings, have a “sober buddy,” attend counseling, etc.)

Writing Your Personal Recovery Plan

You can create your written plan any way that feels most natural to you. In general, you’ll be making “promises” about the positive changes that you plan to implement, in order to uphold your recovery and remain abstinent. In addition, you may also want to commit to certain consequences that you will be willing to incur, should you not live up to your promises. You will also want to detail specific steps that you will take to address each problem or issue that is a threat to your sobriety.

Developing Your Personal Recovery Plan (Template Included)

Autistic employee goes viral with office sign that breaks down ‘bad communicator’ stereotypes – Upworthy

I’m autistic.

I prefer direct, literal and detailed communication

If I am:

Not making eye contact

Not greeting you back

Not understanding your social cues, etc.

There is no malicious intent. It is the autism.

Thank you for understanding.

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

“This should be the norm tbh!! very proud of you for stating your boundaries and needs clearly,” Alastar wrote. “I wish everyone had signs telling me how to communicate tbh,” Bro added.

“How is it that we prefer direct, literal, and detailed communication, but somehow WE’RE the ones with a communication issue???” Reading cosmere! wrote.

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

“The funniest thing about the comment section of my autism sign video is the people who are asking me, ‘Are you self-diagnosed? Are you formally diagnosed?’” he said in the video. “Do you think neurotypical people would make a sign like that? Do you think that would happen? Do you think a neurotypical person would do that?”

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

Is she fine, or is she masking?

I keep meeting folks who have one kid diagnosed but other kids that aren’t. There is relatively strong evidence that it’s genetic/hereditary (Genetics of Autism Spectrum Disorders – PMC (nih.gov)) – enough that I’m not sure why folks aren’t told to automatically have all siblings evaluated.

I’m 42 and just now starting to figure out who I am and who I want to be, I spent so long masking so deeply that it’s taken over two and a half years to start to realize that I don’t need to do things I “should” to be “normal” or “fit in” – a recent example was telling my best friend that I don’t like eating at restaurants, most of them are sensory nightmares and that I would stay home and happily wait while the others went out. It’s so nice to be able to say no to things without feeling guilty or like I need to explain or give reasons.

Adult ADHD Diagnosis

This really resonates with me. I was managing until I became a parent, and when I finally came up for air – I found myself wondering if adulting/managing life was this hard for everyone.

“When you mask ADHD, “good enough” standards of timekeeping, tidiness, and organization are not sufficient. The consequences of a minor slip-up, like forgetting to submit a form on time, can feel like the end of the world. I obsessed over carefully chosen outfits; cleaned my house to perfection before a casual coffee date; lived by a complex system of reminders, spreadsheets, notes, and alarms; and arrived two hours early to guard against being late, wondering why life was so exhausting and feeling like a failure.”

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/lessons-on-adult-adhd-diagnosis#:~:text=When%20you%20mask,like%20a%20failure.

Do My Dailies

Daily schedule, routine, rhythm, agenda, care tasks – call it what you will.

Slow Down to Speed Up

Do each thing completely and well.

To focus, find the gratitude, and remember the reason – connection and care.

Connect with yourself to know how to care for yourself. Connect with your environment to care for it – it’s your habitat and caring for it is caring for yourself. Your body, the place you are right now, your home, your neighborhood, city, county, state, country, continent, your planet.

Start from the center and work outward. From the seed grows the tree, and its full reach is unseen.

Documentation is key. If you don’t have time to write it down….you’re doing too much. So I’m documenting.

  • Wake up
  • Take medication (should be in waist pouch from night before)
  • Dental care either time based (every 12 hours) or cue based (after morning bathroom break)
  • Any other required self care
  • Care for infants or pets next as they cannot do so for themselves (for me that’s cats)
    • medication
    • water
    • food
    • litter
    • grooming
  • Document anything that no checklist exists for yet.

Neurodiversity Advocacy

Here are some great advocates with amazing communities – though some of them may not recognize that being an advocate for Neurodiversity is what they are doing. Just by being their authentic selves, being neurodivergent (again even if not recognized), and welcoming others to share their diversity of experiences, they are showing that diversity is not only ok, it is beautiful, incredible and resilient.

The Daffodil trait… I mean Narcissism

Narcissism is a trait, if you have none, then you can’t care for yourself, if you have too much, then you can’t care for others.

Empathy and compassion are learned skills.

A “Narcissist” is someone who needs to improve those skills.

Most folks learn some degree of those skills on their own.

Some ND/HSPs do not learn self-regulation without being directly taught. So some ND/HSPs with neglectful/traumatic/unhappy childhoods can develop narcissism as a coping strategy. NTs tend to be more resilient.

The core of narcissism is anger.

If you only understand your own mind – then if someone does something different from your expectations, it makes sense that you would assume they are being mean and get angry. Anger is an emotion that is supposed to protect us, encourage us to defend our boundaries. At the bottom I have an example of how this works.

Correlation is not causation. And being HSP doesn’t imply Narcissism. I believe being a Narcissist, especially the vulnerable kind, implies being an HSP with childhood attachment trauma.

PersonA & PersonB – both have autism.
PersonA may or may not be aware of it in themselves and is not aware of it in PersonB. PersonB is not aware of it in either of them.

Having a discussion.

PersonB replies to PersonA.

PersonA: You just hurt my feelings. (see trauma)

PersonB: (had no intention to do so, feels like they are being gaslit as hurting the other person is not their experience)
“<Explains why PersonA is wrong/mistaken/shouldn’t feel that way – without first acknowledging PersonA’s experience.>”

PersonA: (feels gaslit and ignored/unheard)
“Why is it so hard to apologize? Don’t you care that my feelings are hurt?”

PersonB: (Now confused and angry, why should they apologize for something they didn’t do? Feels emotionally blackmailed. In addition to feeling gaslit, is also hurt that PersonA thinks that PersonB would try to hurt PersonA. Gets defensive and lashes out in anger – says something deliberately hurtful = Narcissim.)
“Why would I care when you don’t care about what I’m feeling?”

This is why starting with I statements and sharing needs is so important. Both people had a chance to get things back on track.

PersonA could instead say:
I’m feeling really hurt, I need <support/connection/clarification>.

Or PersonB could have replied with:
You’re feeling hurt in response to something I said? Do you need a hug? And can you explain what part was hurtful and why? I’m confused and I want to understand because I care about you. Hurting you was not my intention, so I think there must be a misunderstanding/miscommunication occurring.