Parenting – Video Restrictions

Videos – not a need, a want

Even if they are a coping tool, they are not a reliable or adaptive one. They are maladaptive in that they make you more dependent, not more independent and they reduce your ability to focus by deliberately trying to catch and keep your attention.

They can be very entertaining and help us learn and explore, and if we only learn and explore that way, we are missing out on other forms.

Either don’t watch or watch responsibly/deliberately/intentionally/mindfully.

Why? To avoid seeing something horrible that cannot be unseen.

To do responsibly:

Watch with (supervising authority) or watch only ones from subscribed channels – (supervising authority) needs to approve, double check if kid added subscriptions. To ensure one of those two:

Before starting a new video, tell (supervising authority) how long the video is, who it’s by (confirm that it is subscribed/approved or request supervision if not) and set a timer for the video length.

This is to avoid losing time watching one video after another with no deliberation – at the mercy of the algorithm. Kid has gotten very upset before at losing track of time watching videos and requested help making sure it did not happen again and that no more than 5 hours a day was spent watching videos even on the weekends. Kid wants to make sure they have a diversity of experiences (we use Trello for tracking things that we don’t want to forget and can’t do right now).

This method did not work because (supervising authority) was not capable of enforcing it yet and kid wasn’t capable of following it yet.

Kid and (supervising authority) agreed that we would only use YouTube kids, or YouTube on kid’s google account so that it can be restricted. Kid’s google account can only be used on kid’s user account on the tablet – this is a software limitation.

Right now kid can still access (supervising authority)’s account on the tablet. If kid cannot stick to using YouTube kids or YouTube on their account, (supervising authority) will have to change the password so that kid can only access his account.

(supervising authority) will need to work on moving game data over from their google account to kid’s. Kid will need to work on being patient or helping around the house so (supervising authority) can move the data.

W.R.A.P. Wellness Recovery Action Plan

I just found out about this. It’s what I’ve already done as my kiddo’s transition checklist.

I just need to make mine now.

WRAP – Wellness Recovery Action Plan: Ep 1 – Beginning Your WRAP – YouTube

Worksheets:

Preparing to Create Your Personal Recovery Plan

Before you begin to write out a plan of action for your recovery process, you need to first assess your current status and decide upon your major needs and goals. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  •  What are my motivations for making this change? Keeping my job, my family, my friends? Improving my self-esteem and regaining pride in myself and my behaviors? Feeling better and becoming physically healthier? Other reasons?
  • What challenges will potentially be my biggest barriers? Are my coping skills currently limited? Do I have sufficient support systems (family friends, support groups) in place for times when I may need assistance and encouragement? Do I have legal or financial issues to address as part of my plan of action?
  • Can I commit to following the steps I create in order to change my life? Can I honestly say that I am ready to make a major, positive change in my life and that I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen?

If you can identify your motivations, understand your challenges and recognize that the outcome will be worth the effort, you will be ready to create your plan.

Components of Your Personal Recovery Plan

When you are ready to write your plan, make lists of the elements that you will want to address:

  • Personal triggers (places, circumstances, people) to avoid
  • Specific strategies for addressing each identified trigger situation
  • Ways to improve self-care (relaxation strategies, socialization opportunities, health and wellness strategies – sufficient sleep, good diet etc.)
  • Coping skills you need to learn or to improve (anger management, emotional self-regulation etc.)
  • Relapse prevention strategies (go to support group meetings, have a “sober buddy,” attend counseling, etc.)

Writing Your Personal Recovery Plan

You can create your written plan any way that feels most natural to you. In general, you’ll be making “promises” about the positive changes that you plan to implement, in order to uphold your recovery and remain abstinent. In addition, you may also want to commit to certain consequences that you will be willing to incur, should you not live up to your promises. You will also want to detail specific steps that you will take to address each problem or issue that is a threat to your sobriety.

Developing Your Personal Recovery Plan (Template Included)

How to Listen, an example

LIMERENCE: To Heal from Heartache, Face Rejection (and Reality) Honestly – YouTube

This video exemplifies active listening and why we have to tell our stories. What the Crappy Childhood Fairy does is restate what she heard/understood from the letter – that’s called Active Listening.

Side note: It’s way more important than Whole Body Listening which is just a societal expectation.

If we don’t tell out stories, no one can reflect them back for us. And by sharing our stories, other people can see the problem clearly, and then if they are willing to be honest with themselves, see how it applies to them.

Also it’s hard and sucks and I hate it and I’m gonna keep doing it anyway. <insert swears here>

I guess I have cPTSD too. I had heard of it and hadn’t looked into it deeply enough to see that it applied to me too.

It’s so hard, to say

I love me.

In my head I had to use the tune of “I just called to say” to help me write that. Breaking it up helped too. Saying I love you is easy.

Saying I love me feels weird and kinda wrong.

I feel so uncomfortable when people praise me. I’m not accustomed to it and my first thought is that I’m selfish because

I helped them to feel good.

Here’s the question I don’t want to answer. What am I not doing by helping someone else? I know that helping someone else is the easy path, so what path should I be on instead?

I think it’s following my routine and trusting the system. So for now, it’s 6am, so I need to take my ADHD meds and go back to sleep.

Thanks for listening Me.

write or wrong?

Penelope told us we all need to be writing our stories. I agreed and said we also need to be asking people questions to help them tell their stories.

I was talking with a friend and realized why it’s so important to tell our stories. Listening to my friend’s story and asking questions, I realized that every bit of advice I gave my friend….. I needed to take.

That’s at least the third time this month this has happened. It feels horrible. And I think I’ve made more progress this month than ever before.

Writing is how we can listen to our own stories. It’s just an added bonus that other people can relate too.

Friendship?

A friend helped me realize that if I organize my thoughts enough to write them down, it will force me to organize my thoughts.

I decided to help them in a small way that was easy for me to do. It felt selfish though, because I was supporting them so that they could continue to help me.

Then I thought that maybe that’s what a ND/HSP/ASD friendship looks like? Supporting each other in ways that are easy for us but might be hard for them. And being able to be honest and direct with each other. It sucks hearing hard things, and it hurts. And it’s so much easier knowing that the person telling you the hurtful things is doing it because they love you anyway and they are helping you become a better person. We can’t fix the problems we can’t see.

I don’t feel lonely when I’m being honest and direct with people. It feels good and is easy to be pedantic. And it’s totally boring. It’s putting up a wall instead of being vulnerable. Because being vulnerable is terrifying.

Is that because of the trauma of not feeling seen or accepted as a child?

I hate that I have to admit that my “not that bad” childhood was traumatic. I love my parents and I appreciate all they did to make sure my childhood was less traumatic than theirs. It paved the way for me to be dealing with my trauma so that I can try to repair the trauma I’ve already inflicted on my kid, even beyond what I just passed down epigenetically.

I’m a crappy parent and if I don’t keep reminding myself of that, or letting my friends remind me, I won’t get better.

If you say “You’re such a good mom!”

I feel like saying, no, but I’m trying.

I think I need to figure out a better reply. Saying no just invalidates your experience of me. What can I say to help both of us?

I’m trying to be, thank you for listening, it helps me know what to focus on.

When do they say the good mom thing and what do they mean?

Usually after they’ve shared a struggle and I’ve empathized and shared what helped me in a similar situation.

I wonder if by saying I’m a good mom, they’re avoiding saying that they feel like they are guilty of being a bad mom for not figuring it out on their own?

I think that’s how I feel when I realize what inconsiderate thing I’ve done, or what considerate thing I haven’t done.

I keep thinking of Brene Brown’s videos – we’re lonely when we aren’t brave enough to be vulnerable. I wanted to say or if we don’t have a safe space to be vulnerable – but that’s wrong. We create the safe space by being vulnerable. By admitting that we’re not perfect and that we’re going to make mistakes and that once we know better, we’ll do better.

If you are authentic and honest, either people will connect with you – or it will terrify them and in their terror they might attack you (fight), disengage (flight). You can have compassion for them, and still know that it’s their problem and you don’t have to tolerate their behavior.

She also talks about the difference between guilt and shame. We feel guilty when we know our actions were wrong. We feel ashamed when we think our selves are wrong.

Seeing other people who we can see ourselves in helps us know that we aren’t wrong.

I’m trying to slow down and be more present and intentional instead of reactive.

And now I need to listen to my body and sleep even though I want to keep writing and thinking.

Where does the money go?

I prefer to support local companies with really good customer service and happy employees. In general they are not the most cost saving, but the extra cost is more than worth the peace of mind and my time saved by not having to deal with problems.

  • SRY Construction
  • Edible Ecology
  • Organizing –
    • lily
    • other
  • gardener
  • Steve Stone
  • Hassler Heating & Air
  • Pelican Plumbing
  • Berkeley Honda (Eddie)
  • Mr. Mopps
  • TigerTechnologies
  • Sonic Internet
  • Swell Energy
  • EBVHC

Other things I support:

  • How to ADHD
  • WikiPedia
  • Shuumi
  • Yolo County SPCA
  • Epbot

Things I plan to support once I have funding:

  • PBS
  • TED Ed
  • SciShow
  • CrashCourse
  • Mark Rober
  • Kurzegast
  • Team Trees
  • Team Ocean
  • Verge Permaculture
  • Soil Food Web

Stub

Disorder definition, who defines disorder, different order doesn’t mean it’s wrong, social model

land of the blind, one eyed man – land of the deaf, the hearing person is the disordered one

Syndrome definition – a collection of symptoms/traits

symptom – a sign of something

Scripts:

<comment>

replies:

So is that what you expected or was it unexpected? (someone you want to connect with/understand)

I’ve heard that before/a time or two. (sarcastic)

Thanks for noticing. (sarcastic)

Yes, and your point is? (confrontational)

adaptive benefit – POTS, pregnancy increased blood flow felt good, encourages reproduction

TED Ed has a new one on the amygdala and procrastination

use the fours (count to calm, break into smaller steps, and list the ??? check procrastination TED Ed

songs for skills, playlists for schedules/routines, time awareness

time sense – invention of time tracking is fairly recent