Rockbiter vs the little guys (bat and snail riders) from the never-ending story (movie).
When they first meet and Rockbiter starts eating and dropping rock “crumbs” the little guys yell and dodge.
No one is doing anything bad or trying to be mean, they’re all just trying to live.
I keep thinking of it as a metaphor for certain conflicts. The first time the conflict happens is easy to forgive.
If it happens again, the little guys either have to assume Rockbiter didn’t hear them or isn’t capable of being careful/considerate while eating.
They can choose to keep risking their lives (not a good choice, but it’s an option), to try a different way to communicate their safety needs to Rockbiter or they can avoid Rockbiter.
If they confirm that Rockbiter heard and understood, then either he can agree to change his behavior or be direct that he won’t be able to.
Which goes back to either Rockbiter changes his behavior or the little guys need to avoid Rockbiter.
None of these choices are wrong or bad. There may be unpleasant consequences of the choices like the little guys getting hurt or Rockbiter ending up lonely.
The problem occurs when the little guys don’t realize that it’s ok to choose to avoid Rockbiter. Instead they may end up feeling trapped and attacked.
Or if Rockbiter didn’t hear and doesn’t understand why the little guys are avoiding him. So he doesn’t realize that he can try to change his behavior if he wants a different outcome. Whether that means trying to learn to eat without dropping things, or moving away to have more space to eat or just warning people when he is about to eat. He might feel confused, hurt, excluded and rejected and like he has no control over how others are responding to him.
So it comes down to directly teaching active listening.
You have to listen, paraphrase what you heard/understood and then confirm if that was correct.
And then you get your turn to share and be heard.
Otherwise you can get into all sorts of conflicts when the problem is just not hearing or a misunderstanding.