Tag Archives: choices

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Scheduling grief

I didn’t think to share this on my own, one of my wonderful friends suggested it.

I was reading a book in a waiting room and got triggered and was about to break down crying.

I took a deep breath and asked myself if I could wait until a better time. I thought through the day and figured out a time when I’d have more privacy and promised myself I would come back to this and allow myself to properly grieve and that I would do it today and not forget about it or stuff it down trying to ignore it. It was just a temporary pause for a better time.

And it worked, I was calm the rest of the day and when I sat down outside the library before my next appointment when I had about 20 minutes to spare, I asked myself what had triggered that moment originally. I remembered and was right back in it but this time I just curled over my knees and cried and let it out. I think I only cried for 5 or 10 minutes so I even had time to recover afterwards before walking to my appointment.

I’m sure this trick won’t always work, and it requires you trusting yourself (or your systems – like to do lists or alarms).

And when I say I ask myself, it’s more like I ask my inner parts. Something like “Hey gang, can we hold onto this until later today? I promise I won’t forget and just stuff it down.” That’ll be fore another post on IFS – Internal Family Systems.

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Choices

How do I make a choice? I identify the choices and pick one.

I choose to trust my self.

My self built a system.

Dec 18 Log: The system brought me back here, so the system says I need to document my choices and then pick one.

What were my choices? Use the system or not.

Dec 16 Log:

Every moment is a chance to make a choice.

Making choices takes practice. If we stop making choices, we stop living as humans and merely exist as animals running purely on habit.

I like Winnifred’s original version better:

Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.[5]

Serenity Prayer – Wikipedia

I would update it to say:

I can choose to act with bravery to change my understanding of myself, to accept with serenity that which I cannot change and the curiosity to drive the pursuit of knowledge to distinguish the two from each other.

Bravery is choosing to take action that you believe is right, rather than choosing to let fear control you.

If you don’t like any of your choices – it’s time to ask if those are really your choices. And if they are, then it’s time to slow down and back up – why are these your choices right now?

Right now I’m choosing to document my choices, so that the next time I end up with a choice I don’t like, I can trace back to the point of failure in the system and try a different choice.

Just now I chose to clean up after my child. I have already identified the problem – let’s see how far I can follow this thread before I decide another one is more important:

The problem is me. I have not taught my child how to clean up when finishing a task. Why?

I have not mastered that skill yet. Why? I have not practiced it enough. Why? Because I only realized recently that it was an important skill. Why? Because anything worth doing is worth doing well. Why? 1 To do something well I need to understand what I’m doing. Why? If I don’t understand what I’m doing, I might do more harm than good. (Road to hell)

Either I have the motivation to do something, or I have a system to help me do it. – Stub, had to stop here for self care. Dec. 17 7:45p

Log of prior answers before editing:

1 Because if I don’t have the motivation to do it well, I should be figuring out why, not doing it anyway. Why? If I don’t have the motivation, that’s a problem with my system. Why? If I understand myself. Why did I not? Because my parents didn’t teach me.

Coming from a place of pain, fear, confusion and darkness, where it feels like I’m trapped in a cage made of funhouse mirrors that distort every bit of in

Stub

Brain dump to help make choices:

Things pulling my attention:

Testing batteries

Testing the spaceship game

testing the cat treat dispenser

cleaning up the living room to remove distractions

documenting the system so that the system can work – if it’s worth doing, it’s worth documenting.

It’s 1:37, I have a body double available until 3.

Using the system and documenting the parts that aren’t yet and self care are the highest priorities.

First transition check.

Then use a time timer and headphones.