Using the Restroom

Bio break, relieving yourself, whatever you want to call it.

Is it bad to hold your pee? – Heba Shaheed – YouTube TLDR: It can be.

Instead of asking if someone needs to use the bathroom, try asking if they can try to empty their bladders (hint – your kidneys are always working, so the answer will always be that there was at least something in their bladder, even if they weren’t feeling the urge to go).

Good explanations of why you should empty your bladder now instead of later? This bathroom is much nicer than the one at <location> or we’ll be traveling and stopping to find one later will be hard or might make you miss out on part of <activities>.

After using the toilet, make sure to wash your hands!


Figure out if your sense of thirst works (part of interoception). If you can go hours without getting thirsty, it might not be working so well.

If your “thirsty don’t work” then building in a hydration habit is important to avoid dehydration.

Ted Ed: What would happen if you didn’t drink water? – Mia Nacamulli – YouTube

Effective practice:

Water | Bunny’s Info-Dump (

Water Calculator: Water Intake Calculator – How much water should you drink per day? (

Post Covid Update

I haven’t updated in a while, mostly because I’ve been focusing on taking care of myself and accepting help.

I’ve been doing EMDR and it’s been helping me reframe my memories. At first I was doing it to recover from the trauma of being hospitalized for bipolar disorder. We’ve started working on my childhood trauma since then. This morning I was thinking about how Penelope said that the biggest impact for kids was when their moms got more support. This has been true for us because I’m able to be more regulated and present for my child, which I’ve written about before is their primary need.

One of the things that has come out of my bipolar diagnosis is being forced to focus on taking better care of myself and asking for or accepting help. I’ve been learning that ignoring my needs, such as disassociating from my pain, is one of my maladaptive strategies I’ve brought from my childhood.

One of the first stories I reframed with EMDR was about my elementary school worms.

The school I went to had one of those red dirt tracks out in the field. Whenever it rain the track would be covered in worms. During PE if it wasn’t raining, we would be told to run the track. It took me forever because I was avoiding stepping on the worms. Eventually I’d get in trouble for being squeamish. I was the only one reacting that way, so I was the wimpy freak. Re-examining it I realized that I was the only one sensitive and caring enough to want to avoid killing the worms by stepping on them. And instead of my kindness being honored it was dismissed.

I didn’t find out about the trait of high sensitivity until my late 20s or early 30s, so while I was able to do some reframing on my own, I didn’t realize how many formative memories I had with negative interpretations. And it was only recently working with my chiropractor that I realized how disassociated I was from my body and its pain signals.

I wouldn’t say I feel lucky to have bipolar, but I do feel lucky to have such a large caring network of friends and family to support me while I rewire my brain.


I was looking at upgrading my 23andMe, but then I saw they mislabeled Misophonia. So I sent them a letter instead:

Misophonia was incorrectly labeled: (hatred of the sound of chewing) on
While that is the most well-known and common form, Misophonia is actually specific sound sensitivity. Having two family members who suffer from it and NOT the chewing form, it was disappointing to see 23andMe spreading misinformation.

Misophonia – Wikipedia

Power over Pain

I’m recovering from the hour drive to and from the Stanford Pain Clinic but I am hopeful as they have Physical Therapists, Occupational Therapists and options for trigger point injections and emergency pain meds. I’m hopeful that after the PT/OT evaluations they’ll be able to refer me to someone more local that can help with the Muldowney Protocol.

Parenting “rules”

With my child, in addition to discussing and agreeing on schedules & plans, we discuss rewards for success and consequences if he doesn’t hold up his end of a commitment (decision).

It’s so much easier to get my child to comply with their own plans if I can say: You wanted me to remind you that <child’s choice>.

If they still respond in an upsetting way, we’ve also agreed and written down consequences for unkind/rude/aggressive behavior.

That way I don’t have to make any parenting decisions on the fly and I can always check our family agreements if needed.

If a new situation comes up then my only job is to stay calm, observe and document so that we can problem solve together once everyone is calm.

One of our agreements is that either we discuss the problem and come up with a solution together or the person who is willing to discuss can decide on a solution on their own.

Either participate in decisions relating to you or they will be made for you.

There are so many decisions humans have to make that we build a web of trust so that we can outsource or automate all but the most urgent decisions.

The role of a parent is to teach a child how to make decisions or trust the decisions of others.

The first thing a human has to learn is to maintain the physical health of the body so that the brain can function optimally.

Much of that can be outsourced or automated as good habits.

Here’s how stupid I can be

I was on the phone and this is what I wrote:




$proof of medical expenses*****

Lease agreement 958



-500 something *******


The above was what I wrote while on the phone in Google Docs Monday afternoon, adding my notes Tuesday morning.

*I already forgot what this was

** And this

***This is where I said “That’s a negative number. Does he get the full amount with that?” The answer was “Yes” and I started laughing and crying at the same time in relief that I didn’t have to get any proof of medical expenses (raise your hand if you HATE PAPERWORK) and then thanking the person profusely.

****Current maximum monthly benefit for a single adult as of writing this

*****The number I thought I needed to figure out to maximize benefits and minimize paperwork

****** Current SSDI as of writing this

******* Utilities default exemption

Nope, don’t care enough to make this a nice clean click through, this is just a log. If you need CalFresh help – look here or do a web search.

The Pendulum Prunes the Prune Tree

Pick a topic

Identify your position OR direction

Existence is a Rube Goldberg self sustaining machine.

Too flexible and the system squishes. Too rigid and it is brittle and breaks.

Just right means there is wiggle room between those two extremes. Which means that there is room for things to go wrong, so then you need a maintenance system.

Which needs it’s own maintenance system.

And then it’s maintenance systems (turtles) all the way down.

At some point humans decided that they were able to force humanity to keep existing.

Then the pendulum swung and we came close to making humans not exist.

Now we’re in the smaller pendulum swings – how do we keep existing as humans in a way that we will want to do so?

Pro-life is about forcing humanity to keep existing. We don’t need it anymore, but it was a very important system for a very long time, which means it has to go in a VERY bad direction to remove or correct the system. The flaws in the pro-life system also forced us to develop better ways around it like Plan B medication, other forms of birth control, etc.

Often to learn how something works, we have to break it. Which means that we need a way to break it that we don’t recognize as breaking it. Trump was a Breaker. And because he existed, we learned so many things about what we needed to fix or improve or protect that we thought were safe.

Skinner broke his child. Trump broke so many children that ways of fixing children and families will become so common and ubiquitous that it will change humanity for the better. Because right now there are many identified ways to break a human, and one well researched way (Gottman emotion coaching – Authoritative parenting) to prevent a human from breaking.

And humanity is working as fast as it can to develop ways to self select for a better humanity. You distract those who are weak enough to choose distraction. And you find ways to support and heal those who choose to help.

We’re already breeding and training animals and developing and training computers to help with both the healing, distracting and helping of humans.

Humans can maintain humans. We now understand humans and the planet well enough that we are trying two extremes for maintaining humans.

We’re also already selecting for the next dominant/co-dominant species.

And we’re already teaching humans to love their replacements.

Are they our pets, or are we theirs?

Is it more impressive that we understand them, or that they understand us?

Dogs are to maintain humans. Cats are to teach humans to maintain animals they don’t understand.

Birds and Octopi are the next two to evolve beyond humans or co-evolve. Whales/dolphins are the in between for Octopi. They may be translators? Or they already choose to exist in simplicity, beauty and song. Birds can already speak and understand human if someone is willing to teach them that we are intelligent friendly beings rather than dumb monsters.

Someone has already imagined a possible future or present. If you search for the story you can see the next step.

My favorite ones were the sci-fi where the human had intelligent animal companions.

If I wanted to pay for an AAC (like developed for Autistic non-verbal humans) I could teach my cats or a bird to use it. I understand them well enough I don’t need to invest yet.

The cheap version is already out of buying a set of four programmable buttons and using those.

Animals are better at learning our language than we are at learning theirs. We’re good at teaching them to understand us.

Vegans recognize that we are exploiting some animals and that enough people don’t recognize that, so they are pulling the pendulum too far in their direction to change where the point of equilibrium is.

I’m looking forward to lab grown bacon and I appreciate their sacrifices.

Boundary scripts

Talking with someone about setting boundaries with their mom.

I’m writing this stuff out because I need to practice boundaries as well, so thinking things like this out helps me practice.


“Mom, do not ask for a sleepover again. <Child> has already said no. If they changes their mind we’ll let you know. If you can’t respect our boundaries, we’ll have to leave and visit another day.”

Then if mom brings it up again – “Ok mom, we’re leaving now, see you later.”

If she asks why:

“It’s time for us to go.”

“We can discuss it later.”

“You sound <emotion/feeling>, we need to go now, let’s get in touch over the phone when we get home.”

Explaining invites argument. It’s not your fault if your parent can’t recall the boundary you set. It is your fault if you don’t hold your boundary. When they are upset is not the time to remind them. When you’re both calm getting them in writing might be helpful.

More self-care scripts (originally devised in collaboration with and for my own progeny):