Self-Care

I woke up at 5 in a lot of pain. I realized that to learn to be vulnerable I needed to learn to stop masking my physical pain.

I started writing out my pain stories. I started to get sleepy which usually happens when I’m REALLY trying to avoid something. My rib was really painful though and heat wasn’t helping. I was able to play some YouTube videos that gave me some instant pain relief.

Next step, how do I make sure I actually do exercises regularly?

I need to work dance/song into it. Probably sing the instructions while doing the exercises to turn them into dance moves. Also get out the foam roller.

And I need to set up a music playlist to move me through the day.

I can do the wall arm one while I supervise my geriatric cat eating. And the shoulder squeeze I can do anytime and helps with the pain right away.

Resonance

I know dozens of masked Autistic people who adopted a “teacher’s pet” or “best little boy in the world” personality from a young age, and who are still paying the price of having done so to this day. You can’t have a balanced or healthy relationship with someone else if your primary motivation is convincing them at all times that you’re worthy and good.

How Society Forces Autistics to Become Inhibited & Passive | by Devon Price | Medium

I was generally the teacher’s pet and helping people feels good because then I get appreciation/positive attention. When someone asks me to have self-compassion or acknowledges me for a skill or ability instead of an action, I often want to cry.

W.R.A.P. Wellness Recovery Action Plan

I just found out about this. It’s what I’ve already done as my kiddo’s transition checklist.

I just need to make mine now.

WRAP – Wellness Recovery Action Plan: Ep 1 – Beginning Your WRAP – YouTube

Worksheets:

Preparing to Create Your Personal Recovery Plan

Before you begin to write out a plan of action for your recovery process, you need to first assess your current status and decide upon your major needs and goals. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  •  What are my motivations for making this change? Keeping my job, my family, my friends? Improving my self-esteem and regaining pride in myself and my behaviors? Feeling better and becoming physically healthier? Other reasons?
  • What challenges will potentially be my biggest barriers? Are my coping skills currently limited? Do I have sufficient support systems (family friends, support groups) in place for times when I may need assistance and encouragement? Do I have legal or financial issues to address as part of my plan of action?
  • Can I commit to following the steps I create in order to change my life? Can I honestly say that I am ready to make a major, positive change in my life and that I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen?

If you can identify your motivations, understand your challenges and recognize that the outcome will be worth the effort, you will be ready to create your plan.

Components of Your Personal Recovery Plan

When you are ready to write your plan, make lists of the elements that you will want to address:

  • Personal triggers (places, circumstances, people) to avoid
  • Specific strategies for addressing each identified trigger situation
  • Ways to improve self-care (relaxation strategies, socialization opportunities, health and wellness strategies – sufficient sleep, good diet etc.)
  • Coping skills you need to learn or to improve (anger management, emotional self-regulation etc.)
  • Relapse prevention strategies (go to support group meetings, have a “sober buddy,” attend counseling, etc.)

Writing Your Personal Recovery Plan

You can create your written plan any way that feels most natural to you. In general, you’ll be making “promises” about the positive changes that you plan to implement, in order to uphold your recovery and remain abstinent. In addition, you may also want to commit to certain consequences that you will be willing to incur, should you not live up to your promises. You will also want to detail specific steps that you will take to address each problem or issue that is a threat to your sobriety.

Developing Your Personal Recovery Plan (Template Included)

How to Listen, an example

LIMERENCE: To Heal from Heartache, Face Rejection (and Reality) Honestly – YouTube

This video exemplifies active listening and why we have to tell our stories. What the Crappy Childhood Fairy does is restate what she heard/understood from the letter – that’s called Active Listening.

Side note: It’s way more important than Whole Body Listening which is just a societal expectation.

If we don’t tell out stories, no one can reflect them back for us. And by sharing our stories, other people can see the problem clearly, and then if they are willing to be honest with themselves, see how it applies to them.

Also it’s hard and sucks and I hate it and I’m gonna keep doing it anyway. <insert swears here>

I guess I have cPTSD too. I had heard of it and hadn’t looked into it deeply enough to see that it applied to me too.

Where does the money go?

I prefer to support local companies with really good customer service and happy employees. In general they are not the most cost saving, but the extra cost is more than worth the peace of mind and my time saved by not having to deal with problems.

  • SRY Construction
  • Edible Ecology
  • Organizing –
    • lily
    • other
  • gardener
  • Steve Stone
  • Hassler Heating & Air
  • Pelican Plumbing
  • Berkeley Honda (Eddie)
  • Mr. Mopps
  • TigerTechnologies
  • Sonic Internet
  • Swell Energy
  • EBVHC

Other things I support:

  • How to ADHD
  • WikiPedia
  • Shuumi
  • Yolo County SPCA
  • Epbot

Things I plan to support once I have funding:

  • PBS
  • TED Ed
  • SciShow
  • CrashCourse
  • Mark Rober
  • Kurzegast
  • Team Trees
  • Team Ocean
  • Verge Permaculture
  • Soil Food Web

Signature

Since I lost it once and have to redo it and am including resources, may as well share here:

My Pronounsthey/she

My Concerns: ADHDAnxietyASDClimate changeCollaborative & Connected Parenting, EDS (with POTS & Raynaud’s), Homeschooling (Unschool-ish, SEL focus), Hyperlexia, Sustainability (Search with Ecosia)
Join me in forming good habits with Habitica!

Embrace diversity with curiosity!

Anxiety:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-can-i-tell-if-i-have-anxiety-what-to-do-about-it-0914175

Too many people are letting anxiety make decisions for them. Approximately 1 in 4 Americans will have an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, and still more experience clinically significant anxiety symptoms that lead them to turn down opportunities and undermine their own potential. Even for those who do not struggle with clinical levels of anxiety, the messages about fear and anxiety in our society are not healthy ones. Long before coronavirus, the repeated message has been that the world is a dangerous place and we are vulnerable.  And more than that, we are fragile and can’t handle feelings of anxiety.

We need to change this narrative and embrace anxiety as the signal that a challenge lies ahead. We can shift the thinking pattern that screams in our heads that the situation portends a threat we cannot manage to a quieter voice that empowers us to handle a challenge, and recognize that we can get back up even when something doesn’t go well. It is time to develop a new mantra: Anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous. Anxiety can be tolerated so we don’t need to escape or avoid situations that make us anxious when no objective danger is present.

Resource: https://mindtrails.virginia.edu/

https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/why-anxiety-should-not-be-feared

Climate Change

https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/climate-change

https://www.nrdc.org/stories/your-guide-talking-kids-all-ages-about-climate-change

https://www.npr.org/2019/10/22/772266241/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-climate-change

Autistic employee goes viral with office sign that breaks down ‘bad communicator’ stereotypes – Upworthy

I’m autistic.

I prefer direct, literal and detailed communication

If I am:

Not making eye contact

Not greeting you back

Not understanding your social cues, etc.

There is no malicious intent. It is the autism.

Thank you for understanding.

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

“This should be the norm tbh!! very proud of you for stating your boundaries and needs clearly,” Alastar wrote. “I wish everyone had signs telling me how to communicate tbh,” Bro added.

“How is it that we prefer direct, literal, and detailed communication, but somehow WE’RE the ones with a communication issue???” Reading cosmere! wrote.

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

“The funniest thing about the comment section of my autism sign video is the people who are asking me, ‘Are you self-diagnosed? Are you formally diagnosed?’” he said in the video. “Do you think neurotypical people would make a sign like that? Do you think that would happen? Do you think a neurotypical person would do that?”

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

Is she fine, or is she masking?

I keep meeting folks who have one kid diagnosed but other kids that aren’t. There is relatively strong evidence that it’s genetic/hereditary (Genetics of Autism Spectrum Disorders – PMC (nih.gov)) – enough that I’m not sure why folks aren’t told to automatically have all siblings evaluated.

I’m 42 and just now starting to figure out who I am and who I want to be, I spent so long masking so deeply that it’s taken over two and a half years to start to realize that I don’t need to do things I “should” to be “normal” or “fit in” – a recent example was telling my best friend that I don’t like eating at restaurants, most of them are sensory nightmares and that I would stay home and happily wait while the others went out. It’s so nice to be able to say no to things without feeling guilty or like I need to explain or give reasons.

Are you double jointed? Or is it Ehlers-Danlos?

While hilariously and sadly Ehlers-Danlos (EDS) is a “rare” disease, it’s actually just an adaptation that can have both upsides and downsides.

It’s also very simple to check for, just go through this scale and see if you score 5 or more (or would have as a teen – often we develop stiffness or arthritis later and aren’t able to move the way we used to):

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/assessing-joint-hypermobility/
For elbows and knees I wasn’t sure for a while, but apparently they aren’t supposed to go farther than straight.