Tag Archives: metaphors

by

Perspectives

Rockbiter vs the little guys (bat and snail riders) from the never-ending story (movie).

When they first meet and Rockbiter starts eating and dropping rock “crumbs” the little guys yell and dodge.

No one is doing anything bad or trying to be mean, they’re all just trying to live.

I keep thinking of it as a metaphor for certain conflicts. The first time the conflict happens is easy to forgive.

If it happens again, the little guys either have to assume Rockbiter didn’t hear them or isn’t capable of being careful/considerate while eating.

They can choose to keep risking their lives (not a good choice, but it’s an option), to try a different way to communicate their safety needs to Rockbiter or they can avoid Rockbiter.

If they confirm that Rockbiter heard and understood, then either he can agree to change his behavior or be direct that he won’t be able to.

Which goes back to either Rockbiter changes his behavior or the little guys need to avoid Rockbiter.

None of these choices are wrong or bad. There may be unpleasant consequences of the choices like the little guys getting hurt or Rockbiter ending up lonely.

The problem occurs when the little guys don’t realize that it’s ok to choose to avoid Rockbiter. Instead they may end up feeling trapped and attacked.

Or if Rockbiter didn’t hear and doesn’t understand why the little guys are avoiding him. So he doesn’t realize that he can try to change his behavior if he wants a different outcome. Whether that means trying to learn to eat without dropping things, or moving away to have more space to eat or just warning people when he is about to eat. He might feel confused, hurt, excluded and rejected and like he has no control over how others are responding to him.

So it comes down to directly teaching active listening.

You have to listen, paraphrase what you heard/understood and then confirm if that was correct.

And then you get your turn to share and be heard.

Otherwise you can get into all sorts of conflicts when the problem is just not hearing or a misunderstanding.

by

Acceptance

Accepting that toxic love is not love to hold onto is where I found relief from pain.

It acceptance feels like being bathed in balm, so peaceful and calm and serene to no longer be clinging tight to pain. Letting go is terrifying, but the freefall of freedom and uncertainty can also feel like flying with the wind brushing past you.

Buddhism books:

ACT – Acceptance & Commitment Therapy: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy

The Serenity Prayer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer

by

Input Required

I had a friend ask for ideas, I’m generalizing here for anyone it might help.

Kiddo asks parent for proprioceptive input.

Parent either can’t or can only offer some input.

Kiddo can’t handle the refusal – they already are disregulated and needing input, so they escalate.

My suggestions came from my experience:

1 One, it’s ok to have boundaries, and the less someone respects your boundaries, the bigger the boundaries have to be.

I’ve described it like the following distance when driving – if someone in front of you or behind you is tailgaiting, you need a larger following distance. That way if the person in front crashes from tailgaiting you have time to brake. If the person behind is too close then you also need time to brake slowly so they don’t hit you like they would if you had to stop suddenly.

What this looks like is stopping your kiddo farther away and asking them to slow down and ask first. If they are too disregulated to respect the boundaries, then you know to take action to protect yourself and help them get regulated. For example my personal bubble with the kiddo is my head and my back, if he wants to go behind me he has to ask, and if he wants to touch my face he has to ask, and if he wants to give me a hug, he doesn’t have to ask unless he’s trying to come up behind me.

2 Two, if they are asking for input you can’t give, try to give them or help them get the input they need. I’ll offer “squeezies” – a big bear hug, “squishies” – squishing the kiddo between me and a counter/wall/etc. or “jumpies” – holding hands and the kiddo jumps while pushing down on my hands, similar to holding a gym bar or pushing down on a counter or table and jumping.

In this case kiddo wanted what we call “shoulder bup” – sitting on shoulders. The two alternatives I thought of was doing a piggy back and then leaning against the wall to take some of the weight off or doing the shoulder bup with leaning back so that most of the kiddo’s weight ends up on the back of the seat if available.

If those aren’t options, a headstand or handstand might help or the other types of input mentioned. Another one we like is “Timber!” where they call that and you are a tree that then falls down on them – usually sitting side by side and leaning into them.

by

Bunnybot Ver. 2.7

Owners Manual

Congratulations! You’re the proud new certified user of Bunnybot Version 2.7! Version 2.7 contains many upgrades and bug fixes from the previous versions. It comes in a slightly larger enclosure, but there are plans to streamline it with future versions, which as a certified user you will have an option to register for pre-release.

Though the Bunnybot has been upgraded, it still has a few quirks. Here are some tips and tricks to keep it running in top condition.

Certain resource intense programs will only run when the system is performing optimally. Attempts to run these programs at other times may lead to a system crash requiring a reboot.

The system should be put into sleep mode for a minimum of 7 hours every 24, and preferably 9 hours so it can run systems maintenance programs.

Following a system crash, if a reboot fails to bring the system back online, it may require being left in sleep mode for 10-18 hours to perform a full system check.

Though specific input will generally give the correct output, there are a few common things to watch for that you will see when the system is operating under various parameters.

If you get a “System Error 373: Buffer overrun.” message, this actually means that your system is running overclocked. You can run programs that require optimal performance, but the system may require extra sleep to recover from running at such high speeds & temperatures.

The “System Error 77: Runtime error.” means that your system is overdue for some the maintenance routine. The maintenance routine should be run at least once a month if not once a week.

If your system doesn’t crash but gives you the “System Error 333: Unexpected Error.” you will need to do a reboot and restore. You might also need to follow up by running the maintenance program, sometimes more than once.

Also, certain input is likely to contribute to certain errors appearing. You can track the errors and avoid the input or the system settings that contribute to errors 77 and 333, or be aware of the need to run additional maintenance in those situations. The specific input depends on each individual model, and so will have to be found as you use yours.

As always, we provide free tech support, and are happy to have your input and requests for features in future versions.

(Edit to add note:
This is what I thought of on the way home, a metaphor for how to deal with me. When I’m wired you may get more energy than you expect, but I’ll need more recovery time. When I’m stressed, you might not get as much as you expect, and if I’m REALLY stressed you might get a totally unexpected reaction is basically what I’m saying.)