Tag Archives: methods

by

Memory Modalities

I’ve been figuring out some things about SDAM (Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory) and some stuff about the threshold effect.

A trick I’ve started using for the threshold effect is saying out loud the thing I’m going to do/get as I cross the threshold. So not only am I thinking it, I’m also embodying it by saying it out loud and then I’m hearing it – usually in the new context.

I think that’s all the threshold effect really is, it’s a context switch. In the bathroom you remember bathroom related things, you step out and your brain no longer has that context trigger and loses access to those thoughts.

I doubt I’m the only one who has gone back and forth multiple times forgetting, going back, remembering, rinse, repeat, and again.

The other new term I’ve come across is glimmers – which is being used for when the memories being triggered are pleasurable instead of painful.

My couples therapist asked something along the lines of how do I feel loved or remember feeling loved. With the SDAM I can’t recall/remember/re-experience the feeling but I can recall/know/have the knowledge that I’ve experienced it.

I thought about it more and realized that the only time I can remember what getting married felt like was at someone else’s wedding. I would feel suffused with love and cry at every wedding.

So I can only remember in context.

I can’t imagine going to the beach or some happy place like many people do – I have to actually go and let the experience wash over me.

Often I have to force myself to go do things, but then once I do and I’m there, I’m so glad that I did. Because I can’t remember how good it felt in the past until I’m there doing it again.

I’m realizing I would use books and movies to control the context I was experiencing growing up. When I needed to cry I would re-watch Somersby. I couldn’t just let myself grieve, I had to trigger that release.

I’m working on rewiring some associations like the shower is for crying (I play a gratitude playlist now), the car and kitchen are for arguing. Changing cars might have already helped with that. Kitchen is trickier, mostly I just still avoid it.

by

Scheduling grief

I didn’t think to share this on my own, one of my wonderful friends suggested it.

I was reading a book in a waiting room and got triggered and was about to break down crying.

I took a deep breath and asked myself if I could wait until a better time. I thought through the day and figured out a time when I’d have more privacy and promised myself I would come back to this and allow myself to properly grieve and that I would do it today and not forget about it or stuff it down trying to ignore it. It was just a temporary pause for a better time.

And it worked, I was calm the rest of the day and when I sat down outside the library before my next appointment when I had about 20 minutes to spare, I asked myself what had triggered that moment originally. I remembered and was right back in it but this time I just curled over my knees and cried and let it out. I think I only cried for 5 or 10 minutes so I even had time to recover afterwards before walking to my appointment.

I’m sure this trick won’t always work, and it requires you trusting yourself (or your systems – like to do lists or alarms).

And when I say I ask myself, it’s more like I ask my inner parts. Something like “Hey gang, can we hold onto this until later today? I promise I won’t forget and just stuff it down.” That’ll be fore another post on IFS – Internal Family Systems.

by

Systems design: Meds

If something keeps going wrong, getting missed or skipped – pause and take a look at your system. It’s a sign that something isn’t working well. Does the system have too many dependencies? Does it not have a backup or failsafe?

To take my medications properly I’ve found that I need to prep them in advance.

Since 1 month is the maximum supply for my ADHD medication, I have enough pill cases that I can set up once a month and to reduce the number of times I have to refill.

So my new bottle is my cue to refill (and my backups are the recurring calendar item & Habitica task).

I keep everything in a lockbox so I can easily access it, move it around and keep it secure. It has a combo lock so I don’t have to worry about losing a key.

I also take Vitassium by SaltStick for my pots and Midodrine for when I don’t need the Adderall.

At night I take Zoloft/Sertraline and Claritin/Lortadine.

I’ve been transferring daily and that is not working, so I now have 7 individual cases that I can transfer to once weekly on Sunday. Then the night before I can just grab my case for the next day. So I’ll take my night meds and then put the case in my waist bag that I wear all day. That will help me take my meds first thing also since I won’t have to get up to get them. And then I’ll be forced to get up to get my protein shake (or I might have to set up a cooler bedside for overnight).

Jessica’s idea of putting her stuff online so she can always find it inspired me. Writing things up for myself I’d have a hard time doing, but doing it here where it might help someone else too is that one bit more of motivation and means I can keep things together and find them.