How to Listen, an example

LIMERENCE: To Heal from Heartache, Face Rejection (and Reality) Honestly – YouTube

This video exemplifies active listening and why we have to tell our stories. What the Crappy Childhood Fairy does is restate what she heard/understood from the letter – that’s called Active Listening.

Side note: It’s way more important than Whole Body Listening which is just a societal expectation.

If we don’t tell out stories, no one can reflect them back for us. And by sharing our stories, other people can see the problem clearly, and then if they are willing to be honest with themselves, see how it applies to them.

Also it’s hard and sucks and I hate it and I’m gonna keep doing it anyway. <insert swears here>

I guess I have cPTSD too. I had heard of it and hadn’t looked into it deeply enough to see that it applied to me too.

It’s so hard, to say

I love me.

In my head I had to use the tune of “I just called to say” to help me write that. Breaking it up helped too. Saying I love you is easy.

Saying I love me feels weird and kinda wrong.

I feel so uncomfortable when people praise me. I’m not accustomed to it and my first thought is that I’m selfish because

I helped them to feel good.

Here’s the question I don’t want to answer. What am I not doing by helping someone else? I know that helping someone else is the easy path, so what path should I be on instead?

I think it’s following my routine and trusting the system. So for now, it’s 6am, so I need to take my ADHD meds and go back to sleep.

Thanks for listening Me.

Boundaries

Boundary song:

boundary vs threat

A threat is something that a person is unlikely to act upon or doesn’t intend to act on and is meant to make the other person act in a certain way because they are scared. 

Boundaries, limits, and consequences are a statement of what the expected behaviors are and what the person will do in response to a boundary being broken.  

Paraphrase from: Parenting: Threats VS. Boundaries, Limits, and Consequences – MMHS (meehanmentalhealth.com)

Good explanation of boundaries:

Boundaries that Don’t Control | Validity Counselling: Between Sessions with Jenny

Positive Affirmations: How & Why

Choose 3 affirmations and then take a couple minutes to recite each one 5 times each with intention and purpose. You can repeat them out-loud or inside your head.

Out loud is more reinforcing, you have the thought, the motion of speech and the auditory reception.

The way you will do is the best way for you. If you won’t say them out loud, in your head is better than not at all.

Reading gives you a visual.

Writing gives you a visual and the motion to reinforce it.

The more senses you can involve, the stronger the neural pathways will be.

Attachment

When things attach, it means they connect. And connection is the purpose of existence.

Decades of research demonstrates that attachment styles are mutable, and that we form stable bonds by engaging in productive conflict with another person, and then repairing our connection in the wake of that conflict — not by having a perfect, unbroken attachment pattern inside us from the start.

Modern-day attachment research also reveals that a person does not have one single attachment style, but rather a panoply of different attachments in their many different relationships. We can feel secure in our friendships but insecure in our romantic lives, warm around friends but frigid with our family, anxious with one partner and avoidant with another or a blend of both depending on the day. Our relationships also interact with and inform one another.

Devon Price

Thoughts on Jessica Fern’s Polysecure | by Devon Price | Oct, 2022 | Medium

The above quotes are sections from the review of the book Polysecure – not what I would normally be interested in, but Devon has done an amazing job focusing on the attachment parts and building on it. Rather than quoting all of it, I strongly suggest you go read it.

Hyperlexia

This is another stub to update.

I heard a very interesting thing this last week from Penelope Trunk, this is a paraphrase: females on the spectrum focus on words and language because it is comforting and makes sense. So we’ll read just about anything and we’ll re-read books (which almost no one does apparently?). That was definitely true for me. I only found out about hyperlexia from And Next Comes L – Hyperlexia Resources sometime between 2020 & 2022. And then I found out that I taught myself to read when I was 3. I have quite a few stories about my reading, but definitely I met VERY few books that I couldn’t read even if they were kinda meh.

I have always known I’m a visual thinker – I need to see an image or words to attach to a memory. Which is especially funny since I even more recently found out I have complete aphantasia.

I recently realized I was hoarding books in part due to poverty mindset paired with anxiety, but also because they were my friends during my childhood. And even if they made me mad or cry, they still were kinder to me than my peers.

I’ve also noticed that since starting anxiety meds I’m doing drastically less “pleasure” reading and being much more selective, so the idea that words/books/reading can be used as a coping tool seems very reasonable to me.

You’re not Autistic. Or HSP. Or anything except Human.

You’re a human with the environmentally sensitive neurotype & likely genotype.

If you have Autism – then you also are probably suffering from some number of these issuses:

  • epigenetic changes caused by illness, trauma, stress or inherited
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • attachment disfunction or trauma
  • sleep deprivation (tongue tie, nursing, chewing – effect of jaw development on airway)
  • impaired microbiome
  • poor interoception
  • poor proprioception
  • emotional neglect
  • convergence insufficiency
  • insufficient exercise
  • insufficient time in nature
  • Ehlers-Danlos
  • MTHFR mutations (add info on diet changes, when everyone ate liver, it didn’t matter)
  • probably other stuff I’ll add as I find

Your intellect, creativity, independence, etc. are all part of your neurotype, but if you can’t connect or communicate with others, that’s something you can work on and improve – and most likely therapy isn’t the way to start – figuring out your particular health problems and addressing those is. Starting with sleep.

With the rise of chemical farming, both chemical exposures and also lack of nutrients, Autism has increased. With the introduction of sugar and processed foods, Autism has risen.

There have always been Neurodivergent folks, they are the ones driving the advancement of society. And without Neurotypical folks, society would collapse. We’re in the process of fixing things by way of breaking them first to figure out how they work.

Before humans did things that worked, that were discovered by trial and error experimentation, but didn’t know why it worked. Examples being much of indigenous knowledge, and eastern knowledge.

The main example I know of is acupuncture & qi. Western medicine only recently realized that the fascia maps to the energy flow of qi. And sensory signals are energy flows/transfers.

Permaculture with its restorative agriculture that can restore the soil-food web and our health is also the solution for climate change. Human culture and the human race are evolving into a global community, and right now we’re suffering the growing pains. If we can learn to truly care for ourselves, then we’ll learn that to do so, we must care for others and our planet.

Attachment

Secure attachment

Insecure attachment: Anxious or Avoidant types

Primary caregiver required during first year especially.

Kids of today are the workers of tomorrow – if you’re worried about how Social Security will be funded, how hard it is to get people trained and available for important work…. then you should support every parent getting the first year after giving birth fully funded by the government – food, housing, healthcare, etc. (local government is fine).

Fewer accidents, both in the workplace and on the road, healthier kids, kids that parents can afford, that’s how you stop the population decline.