W.R.A.P. Wellness Recovery Action Plan

I just found out about this. It’s what I’ve already done as my kiddo’s transition checklist.

I just need to make mine now.

WRAP – Wellness Recovery Action Plan: Ep 1 – Beginning Your WRAP – YouTube

Worksheets:

Preparing to Create Your Personal Recovery Plan

Before you begin to write out a plan of action for your recovery process, you need to first assess your current status and decide upon your major needs and goals. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  •  What are my motivations for making this change? Keeping my job, my family, my friends? Improving my self-esteem and regaining pride in myself and my behaviors? Feeling better and becoming physically healthier? Other reasons?
  • What challenges will potentially be my biggest barriers? Are my coping skills currently limited? Do I have sufficient support systems (family friends, support groups) in place for times when I may need assistance and encouragement? Do I have legal or financial issues to address as part of my plan of action?
  • Can I commit to following the steps I create in order to change my life? Can I honestly say that I am ready to make a major, positive change in my life and that I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen?

If you can identify your motivations, understand your challenges and recognize that the outcome will be worth the effort, you will be ready to create your plan.

Components of Your Personal Recovery Plan

When you are ready to write your plan, make lists of the elements that you will want to address:

  • Personal triggers (places, circumstances, people) to avoid
  • Specific strategies for addressing each identified trigger situation
  • Ways to improve self-care (relaxation strategies, socialization opportunities, health and wellness strategies – sufficient sleep, good diet etc.)
  • Coping skills you need to learn or to improve (anger management, emotional self-regulation etc.)
  • Relapse prevention strategies (go to support group meetings, have a “sober buddy,” attend counseling, etc.)

Writing Your Personal Recovery Plan

You can create your written plan any way that feels most natural to you. In general, you’ll be making “promises” about the positive changes that you plan to implement, in order to uphold your recovery and remain abstinent. In addition, you may also want to commit to certain consequences that you will be willing to incur, should you not live up to your promises. You will also want to detail specific steps that you will take to address each problem or issue that is a threat to your sobriety.

Developing Your Personal Recovery Plan (Template Included)

How to Listen, an example

LIMERENCE: To Heal from Heartache, Face Rejection (and Reality) Honestly – YouTube

This video exemplifies active listening and why we have to tell our stories. What the Crappy Childhood Fairy does is restate what she heard/understood from the letter – that’s called Active Listening.

Side note: It’s way more important than Whole Body Listening which is just a societal expectation.

If we don’t tell out stories, no one can reflect them back for us. And by sharing our stories, other people can see the problem clearly, and then if they are willing to be honest with themselves, see how it applies to them.

Also it’s hard and sucks and I hate it and I’m gonna keep doing it anyway. <insert swears here>

I guess I have cPTSD too. I had heard of it and hadn’t looked into it deeply enough to see that it applied to me too.

Friendship?

A friend helped me realize that if I organize my thoughts enough to write them down, it will force me to organize my thoughts.

I decided to help them in a small way that was easy for me to do. It felt selfish though, because I was supporting them so that they could continue to help me.

Then I thought that maybe that’s what a ND/HSP/ASD friendship looks like? Supporting each other in ways that are easy for us but might be hard for them. And being able to be honest and direct with each other. It sucks hearing hard things, and it hurts. And it’s so much easier knowing that the person telling you the hurtful things is doing it because they love you anyway and they are helping you become a better person. We can’t fix the problems we can’t see.

I don’t feel lonely when I’m being honest and direct with people. It feels good and is easy to be pedantic. And it’s totally boring. It’s putting up a wall instead of being vulnerable. Because being vulnerable is terrifying.

Is that because of the trauma of not feeling seen or accepted as a child?

I hate that I have to admit that my “not that bad” childhood was traumatic. I love my parents and I appreciate all they did to make sure my childhood was less traumatic than theirs. It paved the way for me to be dealing with my trauma so that I can try to repair the trauma I’ve already inflicted on my kid, even beyond what I just passed down epigenetically.

I’m a crappy parent and if I don’t keep reminding myself of that, or letting my friends remind me, I won’t get better.

If you say “You’re such a good mom!”

I feel like saying, no, but I’m trying.

I think I need to figure out a better reply. Saying no just invalidates your experience of me. What can I say to help both of us?

I’m trying to be, thank you for listening, it helps me know what to focus on.

When do they say the good mom thing and what do they mean?

Usually after they’ve shared a struggle and I’ve empathized and shared what helped me in a similar situation.

I wonder if by saying I’m a good mom, they’re avoiding saying that they feel like they are guilty of being a bad mom for not figuring it out on their own?

I think that’s how I feel when I realize what inconsiderate thing I’ve done, or what considerate thing I haven’t done.

I keep thinking of Brene Brown’s videos – we’re lonely when we aren’t brave enough to be vulnerable. I wanted to say or if we don’t have a safe space to be vulnerable – but that’s wrong. We create the safe space by being vulnerable. By admitting that we’re not perfect and that we’re going to make mistakes and that once we know better, we’ll do better.

If you are authentic and honest, either people will connect with you – or it will terrify them and in their terror they might attack you (fight), disengage (flight). You can have compassion for them, and still know that it’s their problem and you don’t have to tolerate their behavior.

She also talks about the difference between guilt and shame. We feel guilty when we know our actions were wrong. We feel ashamed when we think our selves are wrong.

Seeing other people who we can see ourselves in helps us know that we aren’t wrong.

I’m trying to slow down and be more present and intentional instead of reactive.

And now I need to listen to my body and sleep even though I want to keep writing and thinking.

The Secret Parenting Tricks…

They assume everyone knows, so they don’t bother to teach them!

You know that “game” where baby drops the thing, you pick it up to give it back, repeat until you want to scream and throw the thing? Well, if you don’t play or are “lucky” enough that your baby isn’t into that game…. what you may think you are teaching is that “we don’t drop things on purpose” – what you are actually teaching is that you will only connect with baby the way you want to, and not the way they want to.

So if you lack the patience, fix that. Or just remind yourself that every time baby drops it they are saying “Did you see what I did? Do you love me?” (Gottman: bid for connection) and every time you pick it up to give back you are communicating “I love you no matter what. You are worthy of my love, time and attention.”

Jack in the box/Operation/Perfection – jump scares to practice coping skills

Peek-a-boo – jump scares to practice coping skills, object permanence

Patty cake – cross body movement & coordination

ECHO, Echo, echo…..

Echolalia is functional communication. It is often an indication of gestalt thinking, if you search for hyperlexia or hypernumeracy you might find more information.

Possible functions:

  • practicing verbal skills
  • auditory stimulation (stimming – it just sounds good)
  • communicating – if we’re not understanding, we’re not listening/paying enough attention or we need training

One example is my kiddo would say the exact same line if they thought that I wasn’t listening, or wasn’t understanding, or wasn’t giving the response they wanted/were looking for.

So now I’ll say:

“I’ve heard you say that multiple times now, did you miss my acknowledgement (either verbal or visual) or are you looking for a specific response or does it just sound good?”

<reply>

“Great, thanks for letting me know!”

Autistic employee goes viral with office sign that breaks down ‘bad communicator’ stereotypes – Upworthy

I’m autistic.

I prefer direct, literal and detailed communication

If I am:

Not making eye contact

Not greeting you back

Not understanding your social cues, etc.

There is no malicious intent. It is the autism.

Thank you for understanding.

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

“This should be the norm tbh!! very proud of you for stating your boundaries and needs clearly,” Alastar wrote. “I wish everyone had signs telling me how to communicate tbh,” Bro added.

“How is it that we prefer direct, literal, and detailed communication, but somehow WE’RE the ones with a communication issue???” Reading cosmere! wrote.

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

“The funniest thing about the comment section of my autism sign video is the people who are asking me, ‘Are you self-diagnosed? Are you formally diagnosed?’” he said in the video. “Do you think neurotypical people would make a sign like that? Do you think that would happen? Do you think a neurotypical person would do that?”

https://www.upworthy.com/autistic-employee-called-a-bad-communicator-responds-by-hanging-an-important-sign-in-the-office

Metaphors, Idioms & Abbreviations

For when meaning goes MIA.

tbh – to be honest – used to express a person’s own personal opinion, instead of the perceived generally acceptable opinion

In a minute – used to ask for a tiny (minute: my-newt) amount of time, not a measured minute

It’s helpful if instead you can say:
In a moment
Give me a few minutes please
I need a few more minutes
I’ll be done soon
Please wait for a little bit