Scheduling grief

I didn’t think to share this on my own, one of my wonderful friends suggested it.

I was reading a book in a waiting room and got triggered and was about to break down crying.

I took a deep breath and asked myself if I could wait until a better time. I thought through the day and figured out a time when I’d have more privacy and promised myself I would come back to this and allow myself to properly grieve and that I would do it today and not forget about it or stuff it down trying to ignore it. It was just a temporary pause for a better time.

And it worked, I was calm the rest of the day and when I sat down outside the library before my next appointment when I had about 20 minutes to spare, I asked myself what had triggered that moment originally. I remembered and was right back in it but this time I just curled over my knees and cried and let it out. I think I only cried for 5 or 10 minutes so I even had time to recover afterwards before walking to my appointment.

I’m sure this trick won’t always work, and it requires you trusting yourself (or your systems – like to do lists or alarms).

And when I say I ask myself, it’s more like I ask my inner parts. Something like “Hey gang, can we hold onto this until later today? I promise I won’t forget and just stuff it down.” That’ll be fore another post on IFS – Internal Family Systems.

Caring & Cleaning

Collecting my various tips and resources.

Change your language to change your feelings:

Instead of “I have to do chores.” try “I want to care for _____ (myself, my home, my clothes, etc.) or “I’m so glad I have a _____ that I get to care for” (home, car, pet, etc.)

Figure out why you aren’t starting – it doesn’t matter why you aren’t finishing, you don’t need to finish all at once.

Just put away one thing.

Just clean up for 1 minute.

Just organize for 5 minutes.

Put on a timer or a song – song ends, you’re done! Or a playlist when you’re ready for a longer session. You stop when the music stops…. or keep going if you’re on a roll and have time and energy to keep going.

Calculate what your time is worth to you (for example, if you make $15/hr, that’s 25 cents a minute. How much time do you spend organizing/moving around/takiing care of a thing? When does it become worth donating and just buying a new one IF/when you need it again?

(Reading material: Your money or your life)

Video tip (my take away was, can you replace in 20 minutes or less for $20 or less? If no and you haven’t used it recently (20 days?) then re home it.

Originally written: 2022/03/31 at 2:43 pm